Monday, December 22, 2008


So last night a bunch of us are hanging out, and we stumbled upon "The Wizard of Oz" and start rambling about who would be which characters, and I say that Rich & Damon could be the tin-men and that our friend Greg could be the lion... and was continuing when Damon interrupted and said, "And what is the Tin Man known for?"
And I immediately responded, "Being Awesome" and was rewarded with big hearty laughs.



So, this is an old story but I haven't been in the mood to write lately.

There's a bunch of us hanging out at my house - for one reason or another - and Greg puts in Transformers into the TV and collectively we end up watching the movie. I had no interest. I don't care about Transformers. It's mostly over by the time all of us end up watching it, and there's this part where one of the robots, apparently Megatron, wakes up from a frozen slumber. He breaks free from ice or the ground or something and starts moving his arms and then he shouts MMEGAATRROON!
I thought this was just ridiculous. So, I said I'm exactly like that in the morning too, and I pumped my arms and legs up and down and growled, my name, MUUULIISSSAAAAA! And everybody friggin' cracked up. I was surprised at the reaction it got... but you know it just keeps getting funnier and funnier.

It's also not going away. Turns out growling out your own name while pumping arms and legs is quite funny. The reference keeps getting pulled out, all the time. It's pretty super.

Oh me oh my. What have I started?


Friday, November 28, 2008

People are disgusting

It's just STUFF. What the fuck is wrong with people?

(CNN) -- A temporary Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death Friday in a rush of thousands of early morning shoppers as he attempted to unlock the doors of a Valley Stream, New York, store at 5 a.m., police said.

Two people were killed in a shooting at a Palm Desert, California, Toys "R" Us store on Friday.

The man was 34 and lived in Queens, said Nassau County police Detective Lt. Michael Fleming. Authorities did not release his name.

"This was utter chaos as these men tried to open the door this morning," Fleming said.

In California, two people were killed in a shooting at a Toys 'R' Us in Palm Desert, according to the Riverside County Fire Department. The shooting occurred about 11:36 a.m. (2:36 p.m. ET), authorities said. Police did not release the victims' ages or gender.

In New York, video footage showed as many as a dozen people knocked to the floor in the stampede of people trying to get into the Wal-Mart store, Fleming said. The employee was "stepped on by hundreds of people" as other workers attempted to fight their way through the crowd, Fleming said.

"Several minutes" passed before others were able to clear space around the man and render some aid. Police arrived, and "as they were giving first aid, those police officers were also jostled and pushed," he said.

"Shoppers ... were on a full-out run into the store," he said.

The crowd had began forming outside the store as early as 9 p.m. Thursday, Fleming said police patrols had reported. Just before the doors opened at 5 a.m., the crowd probably numbered at least 2,000, and when the doors were unlocked, "the crowd surged forward" forcefully enough to break the store's doors, he said.

The man was taken by ambulance to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

Others in the crowd sustained minor injuries such as sprained ankles, Fleming said.

A 28-year-old pregnant woman was taken to a hospital, he said, but "I'm happy to report she did not miscarry, and the baby is going to be OK." The woman was to be released from the hospital Friday, he said.

Footage from the scene showed hundreds of people standing outside the store in the predawn darkness as police cars and ambulances ringed the building.

In California, Daniel Watson said he was at home with his children when his wife called from the Toys "R" Us store, where she was shopping with her mother.

"All I could hear was gunshots in the back," he said. "She said, 'They're in here shooting.' I told her to run and hide, stay down and hide."

He said his wife hid in the back of the store under a clothes rack. "She said she saw at least two people dead," he said. Watson said both his wife and mother-in-law got out of the store without injury.

Riverside County sheriff's Sgt. Dennis Gutierrez said Palm Desert police received several calls of shots being fired inside the store and found two people dead when they arrived. He had no information on a suspect or suspects.

Asked about the possibility of criminal charges in the Wal-Mart death, Fleming said he would not rule it out but noted that charges would be "very difficult," as it would be "almost impossible" to identify people in the crowd from the video and that those in the front of the crowd were also pushed by those behind them. Hundreds of people probably lined up in an orderly fashion, he said, but got caught up in the rush.

Wal-Mart spokesman Kelly Cheeseman issued a statement saying, "We are saddened to report that a gentleman who was working for a temporary agency on our behalf died at the store and a few other customers were injured. Our thoughts and prayers are with their families at this difficult time."

The company is investigating the incident, the statement said, but gave no further details.

Officers patrolling the shopping center overnight had some concerns about the size of the crowd, Fleming said, and tried to get it a little better organized. Wal-Mart security officers were also present overnight, he said, but he did not know how many.

"I don't know what it's worth to Wal-Mart or to any of these stores that run these sales events," Fleming said, "but it has become common knowledge that large crowds do gather on the Friday after Thanksgiving, in response to these sales and in an effort to do their holiday shopping at the cheapest prices.

"I think it is incumbent upon the commercial establishments to recognize that this has the potential to occur at any store. Today, it happened to be Wal-Mart. It could have been any other store where hundreds and hundreds of people gather."

Asked whether the security present was adequate, Fleming said, "In light of the outcome, in hindsight, the answer is obviously no. ... This crowd was out of control."

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I got rick rolled by Wendys

So, yesterday I needed to go to the bank so I swooped down Jackson Ave and stopped there to deposit my cash. After that it was time for some eats and I didn't know what I wanted, so I cruised down to Jackson & Zeeb to see what delights are in that area. I saw Wendy's and thought, hm that'd be tasty. I never get fast food for lunch. Never ever, probably like once in two years I've gotten TacoBell/McDonalds/Garbage/Wendy's/Whatever food for lunch, so I treat myself. I walk up to the counter and start ordering and then I stop... I realize they're playing "Never Gonna Give You Up" on the music system and the chick taking my order is kind of dancing and singing along.
She looks at me and I say, "oh sorry, I just got distracted because I just got rick rolled by Wendy's." She laughs and I finish my order.

My fries were tasty in case you were wondering.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Pennies? Really?

So, I'm going home from work today and I remember I have a gift card for this restaurant and swing by to pick up some food. It's on State St near 94, and if you know anything about this area, you know that on a rainy Friday afternoon, it is backed up. So, I'm attempting to pull out onto State St. and I wait. I wait and wait. There's a long line of cars that is bumper to bumper moving at a snails pace. There isn't going to be a gap for me to get in, ever.
So, I wait until the light turns red, traffic stops and I pull out into traffic between two cars. Apparently, the lady behind me who had stopped didn't like that I was pulling out into the line in front of her. She shows me her displeasure with a long blow of her horn. I show I don't care with my middle finger. Look lady, traffic isn't moving - I could sit there all day. Be a polite person and let cars in will ya? You didn't even have to stop. You were already stopped.
We sit for a few minutes, creeping along and then I hear a clatter all over the back of my car. It sounds like change. I think this crazy bitch just threw pennies at me. I laugh. Whatever, crazy bitch. Gimme a freakin' break.

I get home, and sure enough... I was right. She threw pennies at me.



Saturday, October 4, 2008

My next birthday cake

Not that I want to turn 31 soon or anything, but I totally want this cake. According to the internet, some mom out there made it for her son for his 13th birthday.



Click on images for bigger.

If you don't know the reference, watch and learn. Or should I say, watch and let it BLOW YOUR MIND WITH AWESOME!

You're Welcome.

Bonus: There's a domo pinata in the background. This kid's mom is a hero.

Friday, September 26, 2008

You're going where?

So, my brother is awesome. In case you didn't know.

There's this thing out there, this video, that poses the question, "Are you anyone's favorite person?" It's a great little video and a good question.
(here's the video if you're interested)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm my brother's favorite person. Yeah. He's awesome.

Anyway, so he calls and he's all excited about this new job he's got for the fall. Listen to this.

So, once upon a time, he got into theater, right? He got this exclusive apprenticeship gig working for Jeffy D at the Purple Rose Theater in Chelsea. Then, when that was over (as if that wasn't enough!) he got this extra exclusive internship gig at Juilliard. (YES. Freakin' Juilliard) in their electrics department - lights, sound, that kind of stuff.
From there he gets a summer job near the Hamptons which is nice.

And now, check this out. He's got a three week job in December on a tour which starts in Florida and ends in Mexico City, Mexico.
So, while I'm sitting here in Michigan twiddling my thumbs, in an office, alone, he's going to be in freakin' Mexico.
AND! There's more! The show is the Nutcracker. And not just any Nutcracker, the one with the Russian Ballet.
AND! He'll be making more money than me!
So, again... In December - there's me - who's alone and lame and poor and cold and bored in an office in Michigan. And then there's my brother, hanging out in Mexico with Russian Ballerinas.

I'm pretty sure it will look something like this:


I so got into the wrong field of work.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Um, karma?

I just said a bunch of mean stuff about people living where mother nature can get them.
I don't know if I cosmically pissed someone off, but I'm sorry, I take it back, I didn't mean it.

Cause somebody threw a really, really big tree at me - only it landed in my driveway and scared the crap out of my car.

from the yard

There's more photos in my flickr stream - but that's a big tree, that's my little car and we have no power, no cable and though we don't use it, the phone line's out too. And since it was from the pole to the house, my neighbors have power so we'll probably be the very last ones on DTE's "fix it" list.

We're "hunkered down" at husband's parents house so we can shower with hot water and recharge the laptops.

Supposedly all should be repaired Tuesday.

Anybody you know take away trees on the cheap?

Saturday, September 13, 2008

What are you, stupid?

Excerpts from Washington

"Officials in Galveston, which took a frontal attack from Hurricane Ike, received emergency calls through the night from residents seeking help, but it was too dangerous to send out rescuers.

The fate of many Galveston residents is still unknown. Thousands stayed, despite impassioned requests from state and federal officials for evacuation. Alicia Cahill, spokesman for the City of Galveston, told reporters this morning that the Emergency Operations Center has received scores of calls through the night from people trapped in their homes, seeking rescue. But firefighters and police had returned to the command center Friday night, leaving citizens to ride it out on their own."

Okay, they basically told people in Galveston - get out or you will die. They weren't messing around. They were serious and put out serious evacuation warnings. They told people it was coming. People decided to stay anyway, knowing the danger. I don't know what coastal dwellers believe, but being up here in non-hurricane land it's easy to say they are all stupid.

However, knowing full well what was coming and after being told to evacuate they stay - and then! which should be no surprise to them they get into trouble of some kind and what do they do? They call for help. Seriously? You are on an island. How in the world is anyone supposed to come rescue you - DURING A HURRICANE? Why do you think rescue services are magical? Superman is not going to come get your sorry ass!

I would get fired if I was an emergency responder down there. It would go something like this. "We told you to evacuate, now your house is flooding/collapsing/losing it's roof and you need help. Guess what? We aren't putting our emergency services in danger. Suck it. You chose to stay - suffer the consequences." And somewhere around there I'd hang up.

Heartless? Probably. But this is bullshit. The amount of time, effort and money spent to rescue people plainly and clearly told to GET OUT is just asinine. You live in a hurricane zone, you suffer the consequences. I don't care if they come every 30 years - that's what you get.

You live in a brush fire zone? You live in a tornado zone? You live in an earthquake zone? You live on a flood plain? You do not get to cry when your house disappears. You live in mother nature's clearing grounds - danger zones. Don't be an idiot. There are plenty of other places to live that are free of natural disaster.

Don't mess with Texas? Suck it Galveston.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

What's that mommy?

So, I'm at Whole Foods this evening, eating dinner, waiting until I can go play volleyball.
I'm sitting in the back, and I hear this little boy behind me.
"What's that?" He asks his mommy, and I glance over and see a little blond-haired boy pointing at this shiny metal box on the wall with a black piece of plastic attached to it by a shiny silver cord.
"It's a payphone," she says to the little boy. "It's what people used to use to make phone calls before cell phones."


Friday, September 5, 2008

simple things

This makes me laugh more every time I see it.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

This shit pisses me off

this shit pisses me off

Take a look. Yes, it's a bathroom stall, yes that is a toilet paper dispenser. Look at it. Notice anything wrong? How about the fact that it's mounted about 2 inches from the bottom of the stall wall? Why the hell is it way the $@&%! down there? Really? You think I want to go rummaging around my ankles for necessary items? Why should it be way down there? In addition to that, the hole is in the bottom! I have to reach down, and then up into it. WTF? Am I some sort of contortionist? I have long arms and this is difficult.

Why the hell can't it be mounted somewhere.. near my arms/head/shoulders? Will I hit my head on it or something? I could much more easily reach up, that would be nice. Or, hey how about have the cover only cover 2/3 of it so you can actually get to the item inside? Why does this have to be like a fucking mouse getting the cheese?

This is the lamest complaint ever but I see it over and over again. Why the hell are these damn things always mounted about 6 inches off the floor? WHY??

I'm going to .... aw who am I kidding? I'm not gonna do anything but bitch about it.

It's stupid. Fix it! I've done my part by bringing the issue to light. Now, you go do something about it.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

In case you were wondering

I do not like the dentist.

No sir.

it's coming

You can smell it in the air my kiddies. You know it's coming. I desperately want summer to last forever. I hate the dreary endless soul-sucking Michigan winters - specifically March. However, there is shiny jewel of love before we descend into the suck.

Halloween is coming my kiddies. Oh yes it is. Cobwebs and dead things and spiders and rubbery bloody latex and creatures that go bump in the night. I've loved it for as long as I can remember. I just had to pick up a couple things at Michael's for work and went upon the usual beeline for the goodies and poking all the halloweener stuff with glee. Oh boy.

I've already picked out my Halloween costume for the year (wouldn't you like to know) and have begun plans for this year's annual shin-dig. Let's just say we're thinking "outside the box."

It's coming my kiddies. Be ready. Beware.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Find me a cave

Eureka I've figured it out. I'm always the last to know.

All day I've been on edge. Irritated at the TV. It's too loud. Irritated at a book I was reading - didn't advertise on the cover it was a collection of short stories - and I was tricked into thinking subsequent stories were chapters of the original story. Irritated at husband for drinking my vodka. Irritated at customers for asking questions. Irritated at co-worker for asking questions I've already answered.

I'm in bed trying to sleep, rolling in my bitterness when it occurs to me... I've been in this edgy bitch-funk for most of the last several days. What gives?

I've been rough to nearly everyone I have encountered. It's annoying when I realize I've been moody for days. I've had a headache for days and have just been uninterested in people. I spent two days repotting plants. Really.
Monday night I went to play volleyball and there was one particular guy there, I ended up on his team at one point and he was giving me a hard time about not playing my position properly, harking on me - despite the fact I'm one of the best women players there. I'd played with him before and it didn't bother me. But for some reason Monday he got under my skin. I complained to another player he was being a dick... and I stewed on it. I'm still stewing on it. This is not me.

Normally get annoyed, brush it off and forget about it. Over. Done. Everything is no big deal.
I don't like being angry. Especially this hair-trigger lingering kind, where anything sets me off. When it occurs to me that I've been simmering for days. Usually it's just the passing of time, moods come and go, but this is worse than normal.
Well, it fucking sucks.
I suspect it has to do with a new common daily regimen that keeps babies away. I've had trouble with this before. Currently, my desire to remain childless outweighs my distaste of being hormonally altered. Not that our families haven't nagged us enough. Husband's family was surprised to learn we plan to name our firstborn child "lamp." Keep asking. The names will get worse. Every time my mom asks "when" I tack another month onto when she'll get the news - should that day come. At this rate, the kid will be seven by the time I tell her.

I should have been clued into this mood hurricane when I was feeling dark and suddenly got the desire to paint my nails black the other day, and hadn't been in a dark-nail polish kind of mood in a while. I usually like going au-naturale in the summer time, with tips of fingers and toes a lighter shade than my sun-kissed skin.
Oh well.
Tomorrow I'll be all sunshine and rainbows my kiddies, I promise.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

I'm not good at math

I normally dislike most poetry but this I like.

The Square Root of Three
David Feinberg

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight

Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply

To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Well, this is just heartbreaking

Read from bottom up.
Names have been changed.

(beware April, this will make you cry)

From: Mary
To: Melissa
Sent: Friday, August 15, 2008 9:26:59 PM
Subject: RE:

Thank you Melissa, and yes it is terrible, we were so looking forward to the trip with you and as excited as teen agers, it would have our first trip although we have been breeding Norkolk terriers, Beth 24 years and me 4. You will never know how much I will miss my friend, my shoulder to cry on, my friend to laugh and be silly with, to love our dogs, one of our greatest joys was sitting ring side and watching the judging.

Warm Regards,


----- Original Message ----
From: Melissa
To: Mary
Sent: Friday, August 15, 2008 9:26:59 AM
Subject: RE:

Hi Marion,
I'm so sorry to hear that. That's just terrible.
We'll take care of the refund.
You take care of you.


-----Original Message-----
From: Mary
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2008 7:01 PM
To: Melissa
Subject: Re:

Dear Melissa,

I've been going to e mail or telephone to cancel the trip this year. My friend Beth who was going with me had surgery a week ago Wednesday and died of a blood clot on Friday. I've been in shock and barely moving. Her service was on Tuesday and I'm still numb.

Please cancel my trip this year and by next year I will be able to take the trip and not be crying the entire time. I understand $25 will be deducted from the $700 I have on deposit.



----- Original Message ----
From: Melissa
To: Mary
Sent: Thursday, August 14, 2008 2:35:37 PM
Subject: RE:

Hi Mary,
I just looked into Business class flights for you on Lufthansa from San Francisco, and they are not good. The prices are more than $10,000 per person, and I don't believe you'd be willing to pay that kind of cost for a flight. I checked, and even the economy price is $2,500 per person.
The schedules are also quite bad from San Francisco to Birmingham, you'd have three separate flights each way.
Is there another airline you'd consider? KLM/Northwest is about $1,000 per person for economy, and business class tickets on United are about $4,000 per person.
Let me know what you think and what you'd like to do.
Thanks Mary


-----Original Message-----
From: Mary
Sent: Wednesday, August 06, 2008 11:50 AM
To: Shelly

Dear Shelly,

I booked my trip yesterday and faxed my application to you. I also included my husband's credit card which I'd like
you to use as this trip is a birthday gift. I did not include the payment of the trip insurance until I get the final figure from you,
as we discussed I'd like to fly out of SFO and one of my favorite airlines in Lufthansa and if it doesn't break the bank I'd like
to fly business class.

My friend Beth is having surgery this week and based on the outcome she will be making her reservation with you
within the next two weeks.

Thanking you in advance,


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Ten tips on how not to travel like a total fucking douche

1. Don't bring children. Just don't do it. Everyone hates children. Especially on airplanes. Whether you believe it or not, your child is retarted. The things that are cute to you annoy everyone else. Even that smiling granny.

2. If you do have to bring your horrid children make sure they don't drive everyone else fucking crazy. Keep them quiet. Don't let them kick the chair in front of them during the flight, and do not, I repeat, DO NOT! let them stand anywhere near the baggage claim carousel. Is your crotchfruit going to lug your 49 pound suitcase off the conveyor? No. They aren't. Get them the fuck out of the way so I don't hit them in the face with my 39 pound suitcase. Dumbass.

3. READ THE FUCKING SIGNS. If you're standing on the "walk" side of the moving platform I will bump into you on purpose. Stand on the stand side, and walk on the walk side. If you are blocking walkways or doorways, I will run into you. If you're standing around in the way with your thumb up your ass, step aside. When you are moving, move like you are going somewhere.

4. Checking in. Have your shit ready. Pay attention. When it's your turn to go up and check in, get moving. Pay attention. Have your I.D. Have your boarding pass ready. Have luggage that is mobile. They invented these suitcases with wheels. Use them. Lines get longer when people aren't paying attention.

5. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PAPER TICKET. Your ticket is electronic. You need nothing but identification to check in. If someone else has printed your boarding pass for you, it doesn't fucking matter. You can print another one. A boarding pass IS NOT A TICKET!

6. Know what your luggage looks like. Stare at it, know the features, the size. If it is not easily recognizable, make it so. I'm tired of people picking up my red suitcase, only to toss it back down. Know what your luggage looks like!

7. Bring less shit. Whatever you packed, unpack and re-evaluate. In most cases you should never check more than one bag, and never have more than one carry on. Do not bring more than you can handle. I'm tired of watching people struggle with multiple suitcases. Bring less shit. Stop trying to stuff your huge suitcase in the overhead bin. Bring only what you need on the plane in your carry on. Nothing more. Don't take up all the overhead luggage space with your coat. Planes are tiny and they suck, don't abuse your use of space.

8. Security.
Before you get there, put metal items in your carry on. Change, big watches, big belts. Keep your ID and boarding pass in your hands at all times. Bring an empty water bottle to refill later. Keep all other liquids in containers less than 3 ounces. Keep those in a plastic bag. Take off all jackets/sweatshirts/hats. Take off your shoes. Nobody gives a shit about your feet. Take your shoes off. Do this and you will not beep and you'll get through faster. And so will everyone else... Magic!

9. Entertain yourself. Have a magazine, a book and an electronic device (be that a laptop, ipod or PSP). So, you'll always have something to keep you busy. Flights are boring, airports are boring. This should not be a surprise. Be prepared.

10. Delays happen. Don't be stupid. Don't act entitled and demand special treatment. No airline cares who the hell you are. Be patient, be reasonable. And again... don't be stupid. Be polite to flight attendants and pilots. Fuck the TSA.

*Special note to TSA. Stop fucking holding me for "extra security" when I'm running late for my flight because of airline delays. If I miss one more flight from you searching my luggage for NOTHING, I am going to continue to be a bitch to you.

You're welcome.

PS. I'm not angry, I just travel too much.
PPS. I am a little angry... at your children.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Friday, August 1, 2008

I kissed a girl (and I liked it!)

In case you didn't get the reference the title stems from a current pop hit by Katy Perry. Like, duhhhhhh.

This all started because about two weeks ago I saw Ellen Page at Whole Foods. Here's the recap. She's at the salad bar all alone, and I'm immediately geeked. I ask her, "Are you Ellen?" And got no response. (Which meant A. She heard me and ignored me, or B. She didn't hear me) Either way I slink away like a moron.

So, the other night I have a dream about Ellen (and this one did not involve smoking or pizza rolls). Like all dreams, one remembers jumbled bits and pieces, parts clear, parts fuzzy. I remember it was like we were both in some high school play, only it was now - and we were often by ourselves for some reason. At one point, she's dressed like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz (only the costume was all wrong - not Dorothy at all). LIke I said, dreams crisscross things. I comment to her that she's a really tiny Dorothy. I have some weird costume that I don't remember. And it goes like this, us passing, working on this theater production, until soon we're old buddies. We are like BFF.

Eventually, since we're old pals now, she teases me about me seeing her at Whole Foods, "Are you Ellen?" She mocks me.... "really? That was the best you could do?" And at one point I don't know where we are anymore, but husband is around - he's in the area, walking by, and I'm we're both sitting, but she's sitting up on something, higher than me and I'm leaning on her leg all friendly-affectionate like I look at her and then she kisses me. I'm all twitterpated about it and tell her she's so cute. But I'm nervous and don't continue, afraid husband will catch me. I wake up and oddly I'm disappointed that it was over. I get it, it's weird, but she is cute and dreams have a way of putting a different perspective on things.

Just think, next time I see her at Whole Foods I can tell her this one time I had a dream that she kissed me and I liked it. And she'd stare at me standing there, all huge and unappealing and she'd run for the hills.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Am I getting stupid?

I keep seeing these articles on the front page of magazines... like the one from The Atlantic that questions, "Is Google making us stupid?" and follow-ups from NPR and other items that essentially say the same thing.
I read the news on the internet, blogs and all sorts of other crap. The high-process thinking at work has pretty much slowed for the summer and I'll notice the cognitive difficulty if I have a harder-than usual task. I've always had problems with numbers, but lately it seems worse... and if I'm driving and talking to a passenger at the same time? We may not make it to our destination...

So, what's the deal? Is having the world at my fingertips making my brain rot? Is it that I've not only turned 30 realistically, but mentally as well? Have I hit the wall?

Maybe I should take a class or something, I always felt like a friggin' genius when taking college courses... then again, that feeling of superiority usually exists when one is in their early 20s, college courses or not.

I read entire books so I can at least hold an attention span. They may not have anything to do with quantum physics, but I'm not reading nursery rhymes. Should I be watching more Jeopardy? Should I eat more carrots? Should I watch less TV?

Should I spent less time on the internet?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Reasons # 378 and more: I'm a geek

#378: I was at dinner with some friends at Aubree's in Depot Town yesterday and got caught with a USB Flash drive in my pocket.

I guess pulling that out while we're sippin' a few beers was not cool.

#452: I own three iPods. THREE. One of them has never even been used.

#12: I have a computer Hard Drive displayed on the wall at work.

#79: I treat my laptop better than some people treat their children.

#7: I know HTML.

#222: shall not be mentioned.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

I heart the internet

Maybe I have a problem, but don't let the internet hear you say that.
I need to know the weather, check my email, visit flickr, and fark, and the superficial to get all the photos, news and dirt.
I have to know what the headlines are at CNN and who's dumping who, or marrying who, or breeding with in the hollywood glitterati. I need to see if Waiter has got any new stories for me or if it's Sunday then Post-Secret must be checked.
And I can always waste time when Craigslist best-of is finally updated. Or maybe check-up on things on myspace or facebook, but don't look at my fidelity account.. wait til stocks get better.
Check up on a few other blogs and stuff, then hit the waves and surf, maybe check out that new video of lindsay lohan making out with a chick. What goodness beholds a click of my finger?

What new things will the internet show me today?

The world may never know.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

Friday, July 18, 2008


Blaze shuts down Leggs Lounge

VAN BUREN TWP - A fire that started near the bar area of Van Buren Township's Leggs Lounge, 50778 Michigan Ave., has closed the adult entertainment establishment indefinitely because of extensive damage.

Firefighters were called out to the lounge around 6:30 a.m. Tuesday, after receiving a report of smoke coming from the building. After fire crews were sent out, multiple 911 calls started coming into central dispatch.

Fire department crews arrived and found a working fire inside the bar area of the establishment with smoke extending out of the roof, according to a press release.

Fire Crews extinguished the fire and called for the Michigan State Police, Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms and Downriver Fire Investigation Team to assist with determining an origin and cause since the business includes alcohol sales and tobacco vending. The cause is currently being investigated by the above agencies.

Belleville Fire Department responded with an Engine and provided assistance with personnel.

Monday, July 14, 2008

I saw Ellen Page!

So, I'm at work today and I head off to Whole Foods in Ann Arbor for lunch about, 1:30 or so.
I get there and roam through the fruit & veg section - and it's freezing in this place so I head for the food bar. Make a circle around the hot food, check out the pizza and head for the salad bar. I walk over and there's one person at the salad bar.

And it's Ellen Page! Holy fucking shit! I grab a dish and start getting my salad and glance over without being a stalker, but it's Ellen Page, man! The girl from Hard Candy! The girl from Juno! I was questioned later of whether it was really her or someone that looked a lot like her and I said, no way, you don't see this girl and wonder if it's really her. It was her.

I even carry a camera around with me all the time, but there was no way I could get a photo without it being really obvious. Too bad.

PS. Why is Ellen Page at Whole Foods in Ann Arbor? Because she's shooting a movie with Drew Barrymore in Saline called "Whip it," that's why.


Friday, July 11, 2008

Ramblings from June 29

I was computerless and had to write this On Paper. Ick.

It's your typical airport scene - random weary travelers awaiting their flights - old lost looking people busy business types chatting on the cell and clattering away on laptops in their important Armani-esque attire. Families trying to get to the next place without driving everyone crazy with their whiny crotchfruit. In the background Wolf Blitzer drones on about housing crises as rain pelts the window of the drab, tired, sagging Newark Airport.

I'm laying on the floor, tired from lack of sleep, delays, frustration and a smidge of vodka. I'm not thinking about all the things you can catch from shoddy airport carpeting - circa 1991. Can you get dysentery from old berber?

I departed London uneventfully enough - after 5 hours sleep and giving the stinkeye to the hotel for not opening breakfast early for my group as they previously had assured me they would. Apparently the front desk does not communicate with the kitchen. The hotel has declined sharply in recent years. Lousy staff peeling paint, tiny rooms (even by UK standards) the walls are tattered & scarred from years of abuse and neglect. The helpful concierge when asked by one of my travelers where the tube station was, simply answered, "I don't know, I think it's really far."

I'm ready to go home. After my arrival into Newark Terminal B and switching on the "air train" to terminal A, I head for security. I learn my flight to Detroit is cancelled. I get bumped to another airline, another flight, and return to Terminal B to check in. The second flight has been cancelled. I return to Terminal A for them to release my ticket, I return to Terminal B to be placed on a third (three hours delayed) flight. Each trip from one terminal to the other on the air train, multiplying in fun as there's an escalator out of service between the two, and I find myself having to lug myself and my luggage up a couple flights of stairs. A long ignorant line of fat people (most without luggage) snakes down the hall from the sole elevator.

I get dinner at a shitty Newark Airport Chili's because I refuse to switch terminals again. After securing my seat on a flight home I headed for security - to learn I've been "randomly selected" for additional screening. I get the full luggage search and thorough pat down. I remark to the lady mid pat down that this is like a cheap massage & she laughs. I'm less angry now as I have time to spare and a vodka & coke in my system.

I'm delayed again now. Writing with pen and paper before thoughts dissipate. I run through my days thinking of eloquent things - often having the perfect words no longer coming to mind later. Pausing at the computer as my brain stalls and my hands wait at the ready... ready for the perfect words to come.

I'd get a dictaphone but I despise the sound of my voice played back to me. I've got ideas written on discarded receipts of stories still to write - with memory inducing headlines like "bottle return guy" and "you're going the wrong way!" I suppose I'll end up being one of those people that carries around little notebooks to jot down those those magic flickering thoughts as they occur - before they fizzle away.

So many stories to tell, so little time...

Time to board. I'm going home!

Feeling love

So, I get up Tuesday morning (which just happens to be my 30th birthday) and I'm just waking up and I like to check email while I do this, then surf the net while my head adjusts to the day.

Normally I have two, maybe three emails.. sometimes a real one from a live person and then a couple auto-emails. This day, I get up and squint at the tiny red number on apple's mail program - indicating I have something like 22 emails.

Um, what? I usually don't get that many unless I've been out of town for a day or two... this was just overnight.

Lo and behold, I have lots and lots of birthday wishes! Emails from real people, from myspace and facebook, and oh it was nice. I was all excited to be thought of. And my phone rang all day, too. It was pretty sweet.

I'm just saying thanks is all. You guys remembered and took a moment to let me know and I appreciate that - a lot.

I love you guys!

Bonus: I got asked today by the printer toner delivery guy if I play basketball. I'm going to try to remember to mention this when it happens, as you'll find it happens a lot.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

4th of July

This is where I was. Yep, I took this video. I apologize for the first minute, I hadn't really planned on video-ing... it was a spur of the moment thing. But this makes me tear up. I swear I love this song, and I love the Bellagio fountains. I wish I'd been able to see it again or stay longer.

Lots of love to all of my Vegas co-conspirators.

(link to video missing)

Monday, July 7, 2008

What happens in Vegas...

stays in Vegas!

Sorry kiddies, that's the way it is!

; )

Monday, June 30, 2008

Honey, I'm home!

Not for long. And I have stories. But first, this:

Saturday, June 14, 2008

happy saturday

Ah good day. I love a beautiful day. I had run around at Gallup Park and stopped on my favorite bridge and stood there for a while, letting the breeze blow and cool me off before continuing my run. Just superb.
Took off to Portage Lake for a family thing and on the way I realized my camera was dead (!) and I forgot sunscreen. I zip off the highway at Zeeb Rd to pop into Meijer and I'm cruising across the parking lot and see this big guy lumbering across the lot.. and realize it's my dad - with my mom & sister in the car. (!) I drive over and yell, "hey what are you doing here!" Funny to run into them here. I run into Meijer & pick up the items I need and avoid the old man in in the store who very obviously had wet himself and didn't seem concerned about it. Um. Awkward....!
I get to Portage and see my family, cousins, aunts and uncles and it's a good time. I really like chatting with family I don't see often and I got to drool over my uncle Mark's new Canon 40D camera. Hot stuff it is. Oh very nice. I keep feeling my mom & dad lurking into the conversation here and there which is fine, but come on... I just saw you guys two days ago, and last weekend... can you let me talk to these guys? I never get to see them.
Funny how when I go to my parents house all they want to do is watch TV, but when I'm talking with my aunts and uncles they're suddenly very interested in having a conversation and asking me lots of questions. What gives? At least my mom didn't start the "when are you having kids" thing again. Ask the same question over and over and you'll continue to get the same answer. Later.
We will have children later. I'm sorry if I don't want them now. You have your grandkids living with you. Isn't that enough for now?
Anyway.... beautiful day, and I got to chase my older niece and make her scream, "Stop chasing me! I HATE IT WHEN YOU CHASE ME!" Which of course made it lots more fun for me and I chased her some more and made her scream more, and then my uncle joined in the fun. Good times. Heh. Good times indeed.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Hot lesbian action

Teehee hee!
So, I've been playing the Sims lately. I've had the game a long time, but just in the last week or so have been playing it again. I've got lots of random characters, and the last week have mostly been using these two chicks that live together. They have separate rooms and bathrooms and were happy friendly roommates. They have the same job and are pretty tidy.
This silly little game lets you buy shit, decorate, move things around, build houses, destroy houses, control lives, etc.
For instance you could build a house without a toilet and watch them whine and pee their pants. Buy them a stove without a smoke alarm and watch them burn down their kitchen. Or whatever. You are the "god" of this world.
It's pretty popular with girls - likely because of the ability to buy shit, decorate, and move furniture around.
So, anyway, the two chicks. The game tells me if these two roommates made some friends then they'd advance at work (of course they would, right?) so I keep calling people and chatting, but making friends is too hard. Besides, I do not need my virtual characters to have more friends than I do.
So, I just have these two ladies go on about their lives, eating, working, sleeping, socializing, showering, cleaning, having fun, etc.
Soon they become friends with each other.
Really good friends.
Last night I notice one hug the other - on their own - and seemed to both be happy about it (shown by green plus signs over their heads = good thing)
I am curious so I click on one girl to check the options, I see "kiss" "hug" "talk" and a few others. I pick Kiss, then get more options "romantic" "passionate" "friendly" "peck" and I go for broke, I pick passionate.
Then my sims - the two chicks - make out.
I have made lesbians!
I pick all the kiss options and the chicks make out some more.
I'm laughing at my computer now, at all the virtual lesbian action.
And test the compatibility.
Usually if a sim is not friendly, they'll refuse to sleep in the same bed with another. They'll also refuse to use the toilet or shower if another "stranger" sim is in the room.
Not anymore. These chicks are fully compatible.
Sleeping in the same bed, using the toilet while one is in the shower, anything goes.
Apparently I can download hacks to do more with them, but I'm not sure how much weirder I want this to get.
But I'm having lots of fun.

Note to self: Wear more sunscreen

So, Friday I burnt myself, as it turns out not too badly. It's fading now.
Then Sunday I did this bike thing - so I spent about 4 hours outside. Some in shade, most of it on my bike. Did I wear sunscreen? I had the forethought enough to put sunscreen on the parts of my body that were already burnt. The parts that were not? oh no, I left that to nature's full wrath.
I don't know if the sun is just stronger this year, or maybe stronger when it's 90 degrees, or if it is me who just hasn't adjusted to the fact that we are nearly in summer now and the sun is hot.
But my dumb ass burnt myself again. I went on the ride and then after the ride we jumped in the lake to cool off. I was laying on the beach on my stomach chatting with april and this was only for about 10 minutes. After 10 minutes my lower back felt hot so I covered up. And that got sunburnt. I got sunburned in TEN minutes. What am I? Toast?
And my shoulders and shoulder blades that were left to nature's full wrath all day? Developed into red uncomfortableness that evening, into redder pain Monday, and the pain actually woke me up a bunch of times during last night and now this morning it has turned to a blistering (yuck, I know) raging sunburn.
Clothes touching it? No. Oh no.
Shower? Painful.
Moving my arms? Ouch.
My skin demands to know if I'm new here. This is the sun, the sun is hot. You are pale.
What is wrong with you? Why didn't you put sunscreen on me?
Yep, my skin talks to me when it's angry.

Stay away from me until I've healed. I'm really stupid right now.

Friday, June 6, 2008


It's a beautiful day.
I love it.
Took off to sit outside for lunch. Nice!
Took off around 2pm to sit outside and enjoy a glass of Pimms. Nice!
It's a hot day, and I didn't put on any sunscreen, figured I'd be ok.
You know how sunburns usually take a few hours to appear? I just came inside
about 5 minutes ago and my skin (face, arms) is already red, fiery and angry.
I may have made a severe misjudgment and could be facing pain later.
Oh boy.
So goes the life of a fair-skinned maiden.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


So, this past February I was in New York for work. I had been invited to go to dinner with some of our customers - three-time travelers to this one trip - and they had graciously invited my brother Joe along.
These guys are faboo - totally fun. He looks like Kenny Rogers, she's just a spark plug. When I don't do this job anymore I will really miss the people I got to know.
Anyway, Joe and I leave the restaurant ahead of them - it's this very Italian place and the guy by the door he says in a thick Italian accent, to my brother, "Hey there, you're tall, you know that? Do you play basketball?"
And without hesitating my brother says, "Oh yeah, all through school - Junior High, High School and college - my coach said I would have gone pro but I blew my knee out senior year."
We walk out the door away from the restaurant.
I stare at him with my mouth hanging open.
If you know my brother you know two things.
1. He has NEVER played basketball. He's not athletic/competitive and is about as threatening as a puppy.
2. Yes, he is nearly 6'6"

I ask him, "What the HELL was THAT?"

He said he was really tired of always telling the boring story - no I don't play basketball, no I don't like sports, blah blah blah, so instead - he has now turned to just making shit up when they ask him.

I don't know why this never occurred to me.
This is brilliant.

Word to the wise: I'm tall for a girl. I get it. I know it. And anybody else who's tall, or short, or whatever knows it too. And you know what, if I didn't know it - I get told AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK that I'm tall.
Hey, you're tall! Hey, did you know you're tall?! Wow, you're tall.

Seriously. You don't look smart or clever or funny or flirty or cute or anything by pointing this out.
It's exactly like telling me the sky is blue.
NO, wait. It's not. I am not told three times a week that the sky is blue. But if I was told three times a week the sky is blue - then it would be exactly the same.

Most people follow up the tall statement with the next obvious question:"Do you play basketball?"
And no, I don't. I play volleyball and I do happen to love it. But that isn't the point. I'm not pissed or bitching or whining - It's just a "been there, done that" kind of thing. Ho hum.

The point is, all this time I answer honestly. I always answer questions honestly. It's almost like a weird curse. You can try it sometime. Whatever you ask, I just have a thing about being honest. I don't mind answering questions. I don't know. I like people being curious I guess. Anyway, I could just be making shit up. All this time I could have been having more fun!

I could tell people it's against my religion to play sports, or that my dad is Kareem Abdul Jabbar. If I'm lying - make it big! Right? Or, I could say it's because I drank milk as a kid - and lecture them about the dangers of hormones in cows.
Or, claim I was abducted by aliens and they did this to me!
Oh the twisted tales I could tell!

Saturday, May 24, 2008


1. So, I'm waiting at the airport for my flight last week and a guy a few seats down from me stands up to get in line to board. He's dressed like a euro-trash 80's rocker, skinny jeans, dirty clothes... I casually glance over to look at him, just people watching. I'm greeted with the sight of his entire bare ass, except for the man-thong he was wearing. The image instantly burned through my eyes and damaged parts of my brain beyond repair. They were green and black and red, and very man thongy. And even worse, he turned around and adjusted his bag, and the thong was visible in the front too. Yeeeeaaauuuuckkkk.

2. We watched Dirty Dancing last night - the play - and it was awesome. The music is so iconic, and heck, I'm still a chick... I love it. Anyhow I go out with the bossman after to visit this local blues bar. What else am I going to do? Sit in my room? Anyway, the bar, it's called, "The Blues Bar" and it's a tiny, dirty, crowded dive bar. We get a table at the front and the band comes on the stage smaller than my bathroom and they start jamming. It's four guys, all forty-something and they're pretty great. Guitarist, drummer, bass (the string kind not the guitar kind) and singer/harmonica... the singer looks like the love child of Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly and sounds like Buster Poindexter. I was enjoying it. After a while everyone around us is dancing, 4 people even on the bench against the wall. Bossman goes to buy me a beer (thanks bossman!) and then the young crowd decends upon me. I have no choice but to dance up on the bench with the other 4. Fuck it, I'm in. Let's go. I'm dancing and jamming and totally enjoying it. Bossman comes back and is surprised to see me gone from my seat but even more surprised to see me dancing on the bench. Whatever. I'm having fun.

3. I return to my hotel room and slip departure instructions under all the doors of all my people. This way I can sleep in in the morning. It's almost 2:30 and I finish just as room service is bringing me food - I hadn't eaten and was starving. He looks at me as I finish my work, and sighs at me and gives me this slightly awed look. He says, "You are a very busy woman."

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Five Dollars

So, I'm working.
Lots of long days but this trip is going well. London is superb. I get back to the hotel last night with happy co-worker Shelly and John is sitting with two of our ladies and they tell me "something terrible has happened" and I think the worst, but what happened is one of our ladies got off a city bus and mistakenly left her purse behind - with everything. Digital camera, wallet, cash, credit cards, passport... everything.
She went to the police station, they shoved the standard flyer at her.. call the central transport office, tomorrow at 8:30am, if they have it they'll charge you a fee to get your item back. Nice, eh? Really nothing you can do. So many left items in such a big city. She's as upset as can be. I just hope we'll find it, as getting a new passport sucks ass.
Next day I call the transport office at 8:30, they tell me that it would go to the bus garage first, not central transport and to call Westbourne Park Garage at 10am. I call at 10am and tell her who I am, what I do and that one of my ladies left her purse on the bus, and the nice woman on the phone says, "Is it Mrs. XXXX?" I say YES! it is Mrs. XXXX! Oh my gosh! They have it! How wonderful.
Turns out someone on the bus found it, gave it to the driver who turned it into the office to nice lady I'm talking to. Nice lady realized it was an American and she had just been to New Jersey to visit family and everyone was soo super nice to her (I know, nice to her in Jersey?!? Really?) and she had made up her mind that she had to repay the niceness. She had to get this purse back to the owner. Nice lady had already called the US Embassy to try to track Mrs. X down before I had even called her.
Shelly and I made for the station, picked up her purse, thanked super nice lady a lot and went back to the hotel. I call Mrs. X and ask her to come downstairs. I run to my room and back again and she and her friend are sitting on the couch in the lobby, I hold up the purse and ask her if it looks familiar. She puts her hands over her mouth and her and her friend both start crying.
I explain the whole story and she asks what's there?
"Everything" I say. She cries harder and questions me, "Everything?" (stop crying, you'll make me cry!)
Everything is in there, your passport, your wallet, your camera, your credit cards, even your tape measure (they made us list the contents on a form). Everything.
She's so thankful to Shelly and I and the nice person on the bus who turned it in, and the driver who turned it in, and expecially nice lady at the Westbourne Park Garage who was determined to find her.
Mrs. X (the sweetest lady ever) says it was good deeds paying her back.
She tells this story... a few weeks ago she had gone to the store and she was in the checkout line and there was $5 on the ground and she asked the man in front of her if it was his, and he said he hadn't had $5 in years. She asked the cashier if it was hers, and the cashier said no and that she could not put it in her drawer, but told Mrs. X she could turn it into the service counter if she wanted. So, Mrs. X takes the $5 to the service counter and gives them her name and number and the service counter employee said that if nobody called for it in a week that Mrs. X could have it. Mrs. X said no, she could not keep the $5 because it was not hers.
A week goes by and service counter employee calls Mrs. X to tell her the $5 is hers - nobody had called looking for their missing $5.
What does Mrs. X do?
She goes to the store, picks up the $5 and then mails it to her favorite charity.
And this, she says, is why her purse came back to her.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Didn't see this coming

I've been working my ass off.
I've not been taking my vitamins.
I've been busy for 12 hours a day or more for the last week (or more).
I'd go to work, then volleyball (or insert other activity here)
Or I'd work on stuff all day then hang with people.
Go. Go. Go. Go.

I'm superwoman.
Then I work a lot, sleep less, play more, fly to new york,
beat my body up some more, walk a ton, play harder, slept even less.
Came home and straight from a night of 3 hours sleep did I rest?
No, it was a gorgeous day. I cleaned the Jeep. Then, I cleaned the Jetta.
Then I rested.... and it came.

I'm sick.
My throat hurts, my body hurts.

And I'm an idiot for not seeing this coming. I hope it goes fast.
I've got lots of shit to do.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Another story from New York

So, Joe calls me today and he tells me a story.

"So, I went out to get breakfast today and I'm sittin in this restaurant eating my bagel and I'm sitting next to this family, a guy - his wife or something and a kid and I'm not paying much attention... then I hear them saying they're going to the 2pm matinee and thought maybe they were going to the 2pm matinee at Juilliard or Lincoln center - so I look to ask him and I recognize who it is."

Fucking Christopher Lloyd. AAAHH!!!

So they talk about the show, and the weather and make small-talk, chit-chat.

Small talk with Christopher Lloyd! Joe's lucky I went home today cause I'd have done something completely non-new york and tacky. I'd have gotten myself arrested for clinging to his leg or something, asking him to say Great Scott!! or tell me about his flux capacitor.

Damn! I missed Christopher Lloyd by 6 hours. SIX!

Friday, May 9, 2008

And the winner of the best surprise EVAR award goes to....

So, May 8 is (was) my brother's birthday.
He lives in NY, I live in Michigan. I get this idea. I decide I'm going to fly into NY to see him on his birthday. Only... I'm not going to tell him I'm coming.

I talked to his boss Jennifer, his co-worker Ben, his roommate Will and his friend Nicole all on Facebook - I find out everything I need to know and invite all his pals. After he gets out of work he's going to this honky-tonk dive bar called Yogi's at 75th & Broadway.

So, Nicole and her roommate Jen and I show up there about 10:30pm. It is a shithole honky-tonk bar. Peanut shells, beer and broken glass on the floor. Crazy-dirt-bar people as well. The three of us get hit on no less than 7 times. I got told I was tall three times. THREE. There's a guy line dancing by himself. They play the same songs over and over. All My exes Live in Texas, Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, more country. I get a text from Ben that they'll be leaving Juilliard around 11:30. We wait. I get a text from Ben at 11:45 that they're leaving. Joe's roommate Will and another one of his friends join our table at the end of the bar.

I give slutty bartender #1 (the one with the hat) $10 and tell her that I've flown into town today for my brothers birthday and he does not know I am here. I tell her what he looks like and tell her to give him a long island ice tea when he walks in the door (obnoxious drink) and tell him it's from the table at the end of the bar where we are waiting and then we'd wave at him and he'd flip out.

Joe and Ben arrive and slutty bartender #1 is busy at the opposite end of the bar and doesn't notice him come in. Ben has been instructed to keep him at the end of the bar for a few minutes. We wait, we send Jen (because Joe doesn't know her) to get slutty bartender #1 to give him the drink. Slutty bartender #1 then gets up on the bar to start dancing with the clientele to "These Boots are Made for Walking." It's like freakin coyote ugly in here. Slutty bartender #2 (the one with the boobs) is the only one left making drinks.

Jen comes back unsuccessful and then Joe starts coming down where we are - he's looking to see if anyone else is here. I kind of crouch down between Will & Nicole and Joe sees Nicole first - she's got lots of white-blond hair and is easy to spot and he is surprised, and excited to see her - he's like wow! I didn't think I told her we were going to Yogis.. Then you can see him identify the crowd a bit at a time with the level of surprise and confusion, because then he sees Will and he's like wow! Why is he here? He was busy... the little wheels are churning. Then he sees me and jumps a bit - and says Oh My God... OH MY GOD! and had this amazing look of surprise I've never seen before. It was SUPERB. And I jumped up and squealed and hugged him. It was all AAAHAHAHHAHA!!! for a bit with the screaming and hugging all his pals.

Then he's all full of questions, when did you get here? How did this all happen? And I explained how we orchestrated it all and he was blown away. I tell him slutty bartender #1 owes him a fucking drink now. I meet more of his Juilliard friends and thank people for helping out. We stay and drink and retell the story over and over again and drink some more. I think it went off pretty damn well. Huge thanks to all who helped. Love you guys.... I think Joe had a pretty good birthday....

Monday, May 5, 2008

Greek Masochism

So, I'm hanging with Aayp today and having fun, and on the way back from breakfast we pick up
a "Real Detroit" magazine.
I'm driving and she's flipping through it showing me the crazy funny stuff, like a headline that was literally "10 years of Ass n' Titties" and much more great stuff.
She flips to the back, or "the booty page" cause there's all these photos of crazy booty, boobs, ads for transvestite escorts (boobs and a penis! wow!) and other yikes kind of things.
Then she says, "Greek Masochism*, what is that?"

And I reply, "it's just like the regular kind, only with feta cheese."

Bursts of laughter. Oh boy we are funny. We crack ourselves up. Woo!

Bonus: Went for a bike ride and made it 8 miles in about 45 minutes. I rock. Also, got abundant amounts of sunshine and not only is my face red and painful, but dammit I burned my arms too. I look stupid.

*perhaps may not have been masochism, but some other dirty word starting an M but you get the idea..... right?

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Ghetto Washer

So, it's official. We have a ghetto washer.

I'm doing laundry last night and wasting time on the internet and I hear squealing and smell burning rubber.


That might be bad.

I go investigate and the washer has gone from "shaky wash" cycle to "spin cycle" only I suspect the belts are so worn out it won't spin, it just squeals and stinks. So... what do I do? Start spinning it manually and then close the lid and let the machine take over.

Ta da!

We now have a manual start washing machine. I had to do it twice for every load, first rinse and second. Every time it starts squealing I make a run for it and spin the drum.


It did come with the house and in 7 years we've done nothing with it... so I guess that's pretty good. Will have to call our handy repairman to fix it up. Don't really want to deal with that right now. Ugh.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Free dog

Free dog to good home.
Barks for hours and hours on end.
Location: my neighbors backyard.
Come steal my neighbors dog.

You know where I live. I have a new neighbor. Only one neighbor and he sucks. I have not met him, but I don't like him. Our introduction to new neighbor was on Super Bowl Sunday.

Here's the scenario: Husband is happily watching tv, I'm happily surfing the internet, when suddenly tv and internet go out. I had seen new neighbor doing suspicious activity in his yard and looked out the window. Asshat is on a ladder fucking with the cable box high upon the utility pole between our yards.
Husband goes to investigate and finds out new neighbor had unplugged our cable line to plug it into his so he could watch the super bowl. Apparently didn't realize that would make our cable go out.

WTF??!!! We are the ones paying for cable, fuck off you asshat. Pay for your own cable. Meeting your new neighbors by getting found out that you are stealing their cable is not good. Asshat.

Now, his stupid ugly neglected barking mutt sack has been yapping for.... at least 6 hours straight. Bark bark bark.

I don't know which is worse, this stupid ugly dog that barks for hours on end at nothing, or my old neighbor's dog - a 3-legged pit bull made from the blood of satan with the mental capacity of a shoe. That thing scared the shit out of everybody. Jumped on people, jumped on cars, (causing it to go from 4-legged to a 3-legged) had a tire for a chew toy. A TIRE.

This thing, it's just a nuisance. I can't even call the cops to complain. There's no one but us that cares, he'd know it was us calling. Like I need to start that kind of trouble.

So, please. Come steal this stupid fucking dog. I don't care. Make it go away.

Questions I may never know the answers to...

When will summer finally get here?
When I go to the bathroom while working late, why do I always close and lock the door, even though I know for a fact that I'm the only person in the building?
Why does the blue Huron Valley Travel toolbox smell like somebody threw up in it?
Why is the tap water in the bathroom at work always yellow?
Why am I concerned with what I wear to work when I know for a fact that only one person will see me, and they don't give a shit what I wear?
Why can't my photos ever get on explore on flickr?
Why is the sign on the roof at Izzy's never lit up?

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll tootsie pop?

Friday, April 18, 2008

Five things

two top five lists - for fun....

Top six favorite albums of all time (in no particular order.)
These are some albums I could listen to over and over again, (and I have) and each and every song is great, and I just never get bored of it. In the current world of one hit per cd albums - these are my best.

1. Moby. Play.
Funky to the extreme, best for long drives. Just amazing shit.

2. Natural Born Killers Soundtrack.
Fucked up. Beautiful. I can never get tired of listening to this. Best when combined with desert. (Yes. Desert.)

3. Nine Inch Nails, The Downward Spiral
Trent Reznor is a god. Okay, maybe more like a devil. But Awesome.

4. Massive Attack, Mezzanine
Dark room. Music on. Nothing else needed.

5. Sheryl Crow, Tuesday Night Music Club
Driving down the highway on a hot summer's day with the windows open and the stereo up, shouting along with miss Sheryl Crow. Not bad.

6. Cowboy Junkies, The Trinity Session
Really good headphones. Margo Timmins. Nothing else necessary.

(pretty good runner up's)
Bjork, Post
Peter Gabriel, So
Joan Osbourne, Relish
Portishead, Portishead
U2, The Joshua Tree
Social Distortion, White Light, White Heat, White Trash

Top Five CARS: (again, in no particular order...)

1. Bugatti Veyron
Because the name is sexy, and damn is it fast.

2. Volkswagen Jetta.
I love my car, and can't leave it off the list.

3. Mini Cooper.
Hott!! and if I didn't have a Jetta, this is what I'd drive.

4. Volkswagen Beetle.
Hippie Icon, an extreme insult to real car enthusiasts everywhere. Iconic. Legendary. Beetle.

5. Porsche 911 something or other.
Face it, I don't know shit about cars, why am I making this list?

What's your list? Help me out here... the internet is a crowded and lonely place...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

It's been a few days

So... Shelly & I were at work and she was telling a story and mentioned something about the show, "Everybody Loves Raymond," to prove her point in the story. Once she finished her story, I told her that I never watch the show because I don't like it, and she went on about the mom and the families and how funny, blah blah blah. And I explained to her that I hate that show, and others in the same vein because I absolutely cannot stand sitcoms that revolve around portraying men as stupid.

And she said exactly what every other person has said when I've told them the same thing.

"Huh, that's weird."


Weird to think that portraying men as idiots is offensive?

Weird to think that having a character on a show incapable of doing anything without his hero wife is offensive?

Weird that I hate proliferating this ridiculous stereotype?

There's a handful of these out there, Everybody Loves Raymond, King of Queens, etc... These shows are supposed to be "sooo great" and I've seen enough to know I don't like it. Woman tells man "go grocery shopping." Man goes to store. Man comes home with porn and beer. Woman tells man, "get dressed." Man comes out of room with shirt on backwards. Woman places hand on hip and frowns disapprovingly at incapable oaf and shakes finger at man.
Me= rolling my eyes and screaming.

I just cannot stand the idea that a man is useless without a woman to guide him. Or rather, to mommy him. Treat him like a little boy and boss him around and patronize him. To insinuate that they could not get dressed, they could not possibly go to the store and buy everything they need, they could not take care of their children for an hour, they could not fix anything in the house, and then laugh about it to their capable women-pals, it's just really inane and offensive. Golly honey, I put my finger in the light socket again, could you help me? Golly honey, I just set the house on fire, whoops!!!

I know these shows are not based on reality, but I don't actually know anybody who even comes close to resembling these people. The men I know are capable, kind, and intelligent and when idiots watch shit like this and begin to believe what they see on TV, it makes me crazy. I know I can't fix the dumbing down of America, but I sure as hell don't have to watch it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Dammit Dammit Dammit!

So, I'm on an email list for Social Distortion. I like to get updates on when they're playing shows, just in case they ever get anywhere near Michigan. They play in CA all the time, but I got an email recently with touring updates and lo and behold my favorite lead singer of my favorite band in the world is coming to town!
They never come to town!
I scan the list and see Detroit. Yes! and then I see they're playing May 19.
Of course I'm out of town. In London.
By then I'll be eyeballs-deep in Chelsea Flower Show shenanigans.

I want Mike Ness!

Monday, April 7, 2008

smokin hot

So, husband and I are watching season 1 of Boston Legal from dvds. We like the show. I've got a thing for James Spader. It's the voice, and the stare, and the delivery of the dialogue, and the gestures and... well... that's not the point right now.
Anyway, we're watching it and on season 1 there's this chick and she's British and she has long hair and she is smoldering hot. imdb tells me her name is Rhona Mitra.
We discuss the level of her smoldering hotness at some length. The face, the body, the stare, the accent... the package.
He says she's hot. I fully agree. Usually there's something to point out, something not quite right for either of us that throws it off. A flaw, if I may. Not the case here. We are in full agreement on this one.
I even declare to husband that she's the kind of hot where you'd really like to see her naked. (Sometimes nudity removes a level of hotness, you know?)
I throw out a statement like that and husband doesn't bat an eye.

But seriously. This chick is hot.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

I am the cooler

So, tonight I get invited by husband to go to the casino for B's birthday... and what else am I going to do? I go out to play. He offers up $100 for anybody who wants to drive so I volunteer the ol' Jetta. I could really use the $100.
We venture on to downtown Detroit. I hate driving in Detroit. Everyone drives like an idiot asshole and the roads make no fucking sense. Crazy lanes, stupid turns, horrible signage, misaligned lights. I hate it.
First place we see? Mega glowing twinkling shiny bright, Motor City Casino. We cruise around, find parking in their ridiculously confusing structure and wander in.
It's crowded. And stinky. And for a new building it's awful dark, dirty and cramped. I was immediately disappointed. The lights on the ceiling in some areas are cool, but overall what a blah place.
The place is packed with people who likely shouldn't be wasting their money. How do you tell if an area is not doing well financially? Check and see if the casinos are packed. Most of them elderly, tethered to the machines by that silly cord and the card that I still don't understand what the function is. Their fat wheezing bodies watching the whir of the wheels, the downward blinking of the LED as the minutes tick away more slowly than their money disappears. Most of them smoking or drinking and frowning their wrinkled brows as they plink and clink away their electronic bucks.
I decide to test my "coolerness" and stand and stare at this asian woman's machine. I watch her lose $75 in less than 3 minutes. She realizes I'm watching and stands up to block my view. That won't work lady - my luck suck can work through you. She quickly loses the rest of her money and leaves.
I watch another man fretting over his machine. After a few minutes and a few hundred dollars he too, realizes I'm watching and literally covers the front of the machine with his hands.
These people are crazy.
I play a bit here and there, and chase the spin a bit. I've got a slight thing for the "Wheel of Fortune" game. I lose a few, and walk away. Seconds later, as I'm not really paying attention, the man who has taken my machine wins $500. My heart sinks a little.
Oh well.
I lose a few more, win $50, lose some more, win $50. Then I quit. I got paid $100 to drive and am going home with $70.
I stay and watch the Wheel of Fortune and stay away from husband so he can win some money.
Over the course of 30 minutes I watch 6 people pour well over $2,000 into these machines. They could have given me the money and I'd yell "Wheel of Fortune" at them and wave something shiny. It'd be more of a show and I'd benefit from the money.
There really isn't anybody young in this entire casino at all. I suppose young people are the ones that really don't have money to waste. I guess I don't really understand the connection between the elderly and casinos. This one old lady didn't even seem to know what she was doing. She won $150 at Wheel of Fortune and asked me what she won. I should have told her she'd won a free pack of cigarettes but she'd have to give me all her money. And she'd say, "And how!" that's a good deal and hand over her cash.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Can't sleep (again)

Daily Horoscope for Cancer, April 3, 2008: Your eagerness for change at work may make it difficult for you to settle down today and finish your job. Still, it's best to let things evolve in their own time. Don't force an issue just because you think it will make you feel better. It's a smarter strategy to stay flexible now, for the situation probably won't unfold according to your plan.

There's a discussion to be had about my future at my job with me doing the talking...

This was supposed to be a great deal. I only work with one other person. I have flexible hours. I travel internationally several times a year. This sounds like the deal of a lifetime. Why am I being such a baby?

One, I'm unhappy. This isn't what I thought it would be. I hate the isolation. Hate it. I need to work with more people. I feel I can't say anything critical to my coworker because I'm afraid of creating an uncomfortable work environment, there's really just the two of us, so I say nothing.
Money just goes to various places and I feel I have no real control over it. Pays for this, pays for that, for what? I'm not really sure, but can't seem to stop the outward flow. I stress about the money. I have my own finances to worry about and I don't like having to worry about finances of my place of employment. Economy is weak, people aren't traveling as much and I'm making a lot less money.

I feel like I have no support. I've been pushed into this position and have nobody to depend on for help. I ask questions, seek support, and frequently get no reply. I've been told one thing and receive hearsay of an entirely different truth. Is this arrangement for 12 months or 16 months? I don't know. The deal keeps changing. And it's like there's no focus. Sometimes there's a task at hand that needs to be dealt with and I don't feel were on the same path.

And, I feel I've got no security. If there was a better deal, a better offer, a way out for him... I feel the rug would be pulled out from under me in a second. Would I do the same in return? No. I stay. I work. I am loyal. I keep thinking somehow it will work out for me in the end. Karma.

Isolation, no control, no support, less money, more work, disloyalty, I feel like I'm getting a raw deal.

Do I want more control? Not really. I don't believe I'm a strong enough leader to make the right decisions. I force decisions upon someone else when I don't know what the right decision is. So when it doesn't work out well I can say, it wasn't my decision. When I know it will work out well I will take control.

Do I want more support? I suppose I do. When I ask a question I'd like an answer and not to be ignored. Do I want to have every detail of my day scrutinized? No. That wouldn't be support would it?

Do I want more money? Yes, but I don't feel I'm valuable enough to him to get it. Would I fight harder if I truly believed I deserved it? I am not a strong person, I am not a leader. I am a pushover. I will put up with it. I know this year is not good. Does that mean I should make thousands less? I don't know. I do know I'm unhappy about it. Is this all a little too soon? Likely. I don't truly know what the year has in store financially, but I'm not optimistic. It's not my job to be optimistic. I try to be realistic.

Which begs the all important question: What do I want?

I don't know. I'm not sure I like what I've got myself into. But I agreed to do this. I'm running out of reasons to be motivated. I feel I am just going through the motions. If I leave the doors close. I feel trapped. I'm afraid that I'm not good enough to have a better job somewhere else. I feel have no where else to go. It's not like other employers are knocking down doors to hire people. I have bills to pay and can't afford to be unemployed. He's got me.

What do I want?

Saturday, March 29, 2008

I have two readers

A week ago I posted a quiz on here for fun... was trying new features and here's the results:

(The question:) Is anybody reading this?

Of course. You are my idol: 2 (100%)

Wait a minute, this isn't google!: 0 (0%)

I never learned to read: 0 (0%)

I like cheese: 0 (0%)

Votes so far: 2
Poll closed

So, for those of you that voted, thanks! Maybe I was going too far with getting people to idolize me. Maybe the answer should have been, "well I guess so, this is better than watching paint peel." I'd like to think I'm more entertaining than peeling paint.
Maybe next time I'll have a better quiz.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I'm going to Vegas. I'm turning 30 (in July) and March sucks and I'm tired of it and I want heat and water and sunshine. But mostly, heat.
So today I help husband book flights and hotel (hello travel agent discount!) because I will never get away with being uninvolved with travel plans. I must accept this fate.
Then husband says... hey, we're leaving July 2, aren't you coming back from Wimbledon July 1?
Well, technically, not yet...
We have people booked on the trip June 22 - 29.
We are holding 14 places for a trip June 24 - July 1.
I'm supposed to go and take care of both.
No air tickets have yet been issued for myself.
Also, nobody has yet signed up for the June 24 - July 1 trip. Nobody.
We have 50% non-refundable deposits out and final payment due April 14. Thousands of dollars.
And nobody is interested.
What to do? Fret? Worry? Stress? Give up? All of the above?
I've made it through fretting, worrying and stressing and am moving on to giving up.
If people sign up for June 24 - July 1, so be it. If they don't - I tried my best. There isn't much more I can do.
I'm going to Vegas July 2. I may end up going to London and coming home June 29.
I may end up going to London and coming home July 1, then going to Vegas July 2.
That will suck.
However, I'm going to Vegas July 2.
I'm getting out of here.
I'm looking forward to the fireworks July 4.
I'm looking forward to watching the fountains at the Bellagio.
I'm looking forward to eating unhealthy delicious food with my awesome friends.
It isn't always easy to get my friends together, they're a varied lot... and I love them all.
I'm looking forward to Vegas.
I don't know shit about tennis.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Step-Mother Nature

I don't know why we call her Mother Nature. She has all the fairytale personality traits of a wicked stepmother.
It took me *only* an hour and twenty-five minutes to get home from this recent spring-like onslaught of garbage.
Step-mother nature is an evil vindictive insufferable wretched angry bitch.

It's Easter?

I'm on the phone today talking to this nice lady and she finishes the phone call with, "Have a blessed Easter," and I pause and then thank her and hang up.
Two minutes later she calls back and apologizes to me. She said I had paused and she thought that was strange and then she saw my last name and called back to say sorry.
I said, oh yeah, no. I do Easter... (well, sort of. I eat chocolate rabbits, Cadbury eggs and jellybeans... does that count?) I told her I just paused because I have been living in a cave or something. I just had no idea this Sunday was Easter.
We laughed about it and she thanked me and hung up but now I'm confused.
Who doesn't celebrate Easter? Wait, I think the Jewish don't. Is my last name Jewish?
It's like the German version of Smith. From what I know about World War II, I'm pretty sure German's are not Jewish.
Why was she apologizing?
Maybe I should have taken a religious studies course in college or something. This all lies in a big realm of a vague foggy area called "I never really learned much about that..."

Thursday, March 20, 2008


So, to end the computer crisis story... I fixed it.
The boring version is I reinstalled the OS and then used a handy new program called time machine to put my things back together again. Yay, go me.

Next task:
I bought parts for our grill for Christmas which had turned rusty and crusty. (The grill, not Christmas.)
The place where fire comes out was all a crumbling mess, and the bottom of the grill was filled with carcasses of hamburgers gone astray, meat ashes, and other things only described as downright nasty.
So, husband bought nice steaks with the idea it would motivate to replace old rotting grill parts with shiny new grill parts still in plastic bag.
I scraped and cleaned and pulled and twisted and tossed and scraped and brushed and dusted. Put in the new parts and dragged the grill back to its rightful spot near the deck. Stellar. Next to make fire.
Now, being the "tough" girl I am, I've done lots of stuff. I can change a bumper, change my oil, roof my house, put in a new window, mow the lawn, dismantle a desk with a sledgehammer, etc, etc... I ain't no girly girl.
But yet, for some odd reason, I've never lit the grill. I've never grilled meat outdoors. Man operates grill. Grunt.
I turn the gas tank on and then the upper burner, hit the sparker and... nothing. Sparker must be toast, I didn't replace that.
Easy enough. I go inside and get a nice long match, light it up, turn on the gas, hold it next to the burner and poof - voila! Fire!
Woman has made fire!
Now... husband isn't home yet. I'm hungry. I want steak.
I'm going all out brave today. I get the steaks and slap em on the grill.
Now what to add? I decide good meat is fine enough and just add some salt & pepper.
Husband comes home and approves of my meat cooking. All is well.
I did good. Fixed the grill and made steak all by myself.
I'd have a picture but I ate the hell out of that steak. Oh yum.
Time for leftovers...

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Computer issues

Here we go again. I've not had good luck with computers this year.
I go to start my computer today and no, it won't do that. It goes from the apple screen
to the blue screen to the home screen and just before it finishes it returns to the blue screen
then the home screen, then the blue screen then the home screen in this endless rebooting loop.
So, I tried starting from the install cd, ran disk repair, the disk is fine.
Then I tried starting from safe mode... and it starts, so then I used carbon copy cloner to make an identical copy of the hard drive. But my external hard drive didn't have enough space, so I deleted and then made the copy.
So, now I'm making a second copy on a different hard drive (I ain't takin no chances...)
and then I don't know what to do.
Reinstall the operating system?
System restore?
Even though I have backups it's a pain in the ass to rebuild everything.
Why can't it just work without problems?
What is the deal?
Well, at least the current backup will take three hours so I've got time to kill.
I think it's time to order pizza and watch a movie.
Silly computer.
(oh, and I'm sure you were wondering how I wrote this, I'm using husbands happy machine right now... his works fine...)

Thursday, March 13, 2008

If only...

I've just returned from the UK and remembered a little fact that I found to be quite lovely.

Jude Law and Ewan McGregor once shared a flat together in London.

Now let me just say...


Would have liked to have made a nice brit-american-brit sandwich if you know what I mean... heh. Yum.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

If I had to design my own personal hell

I just got back from a trip and found myself with lots of free time, several hours of it spent on planes.
And in the spirit of going to the UK - known to be in medieval times the most gruesome torturous people - I thought about what my own personal hell would be like. These are the things my little brain piddles about when faced with hours upon hours on planes and in airports....

So, I give you my own personal hell:

Would of course, be on an airplane. The seats would be tiny and awful. I'd have a middle seat.
The flight would be from Detroit to somewhere in Ohio with a 7-hour delay. On the runway.
Everyone would have a personal TV monitor but mine would be broken. The person in front of me would have a broken seat so it leans back all the way all the time. And most of the flight the tray won't stay up, so it falls open constantly.
My seat would be in front of the exit row so it doesn't lean back. The person on my left is a fat, chatty old smelly woman with lots and lots of bags. The person on my right is someone's horrid child. The plane would be filled with crying babies and obnoxious self-important people.
The only in-flight entertainment would be Norbit and Fat Albert and re-runs of Just Shoot Me.
The in-flight music would be Karen Carpenter (the sound of her voice breeds ax-murderers) and Three Dog Night's "Jeremiah Was a Bullfrog" (worst song EVER.)
The meal would be yellow and white iceberg lettuce with celery, dried up lasagna with no cheese and barely any sauce and something really nasty like yogurt with tons of sugar in it. And only tomato juice to drink.
And it would be freezing, and I'd only have a pathetic little blue blanket.
And everything would be ridiculously dry and static electricity would be rampant.
And all but one restroom would be out of service.
And the flight attendants would all be raging bitches.
And the PA system would "ping" on really loudly every few minutes the entire time, with no actual announcement.
And when they do make announcements, it's really loud and pointless. Something like, please put on your seat belts.

Yeah.... I'm pretty sure it would be something like that.

What's your own personal hell?

Friday, March 7, 2008


So, had to fly to the UK again. I think it's the 7th time to the UK, but I couldn't really tell without my old list of trips to refer to.
I'm getting really tired of red-eye flights to Europe.
I hate them with the hot firey seething hate of 1,000 angry menstruating lesbian hornets. The tiny seats, the crappy food, the dry air, the traveling companions. Blah.
The hotel is your standard new business hotel. Clean. Modern. Shiny. Boring. Cold.
It has one of those evil showers that doesn't consistently pull from hot and cold at the same time so you get two seconds where the temperature is perfect, two seconds where it's too hot (ouch!) and two seconds where it's too cold (eek!) and then repeat.
The dogs are crazy. 23,000 dogs. There are dogs everywhere. Literally (mind you I'm using the word literally properly here - let me get on that tangent later) dogs everywhere. I'm going to steal a beagle. They are so cute.
Some of this stuff really walks the fine line between amazing/funny and totally batshit crazy. Who thinks of this crap? Dancing with your dog? Is that amazing and funny or ridiculously batshit crazy. I have video. You may judge later.
I'm getting too used to traveling with people I know, because after three days alone I find myself a bit lonely and bored. How much horrid British TV can one watch? There are some good shows, but some are just bad. There was a show on where women put on super strength bras and jumped on trampolines to test the bra. Then the two hosts talked about the support and the design. I'm sure you dudes think it would be exciting but it wasn't. It was ordinary women (not Man show models) and support bras.
that bra testing tv show
Not sexy.
Mostly just eating alone in restaurants makes me lonely. Nothing to do but sit and wait for my food. Nobody to talk to. Twiddle my thumbs. Sip my wine. Look around. Repeat.
Used to do this a lot and it didn't much bother me.
Oh well. Time go go eat some Indian food, if I have to go alone at least it's tasty.

Thursday, March 6, 2008


I'm squatting on the floor in Newark airport after having taken a couple of pictures out these great floor-to-ceiling windows. I'm just putting my camera away as an older balding man approaches me.
"Are you praying?" he asks me.
"No," I reply. "I was just taking a couple of pictures."
"What is your secret to being so beautiful?" he then asks.
I smile at him and blush at the idea and say, "Um, good genes I guess?"
I'm caught off guard by his question, but appreciate his kindness.
"Where are you from?" he asks.
"Michigan," I reply.
"Aaah, I'm from Florida. If I invited you to Florida would you come?"
I stood up as I had finished putting my camera away and said, "No... I don't think so." I hate saying no to people - rejecting them - but I felt it was best to not let this go anywhere.
He says, "You know what I love about Michigan?" Without waiting for an answer he says, "The four seasons." I agree with him. It is what I love as well.
We walk our own ways and depart with a wave & a smile as we go find our flights.
Sorry guy, I can't hang out with someone who says things like that to me, it might go to my head!
However, you can't blame a guy for trying.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Dear Winter

Dear Winter,
I'm done. You can go now. You have shown off quite enough with your snowy, icy, sleety, freezing rainy, gloomy and otherwise downright shitty attitude. Go.
We've had enough sledding, snowball fights and snowmen and slipping and sliding.
I'm cold. Scratch that, I'm freezing. I'm freezing everywhere I go. I'm freezing at home, at work, at the store, in my car. I'm really tired of my hands being little blue ice sticks all the time. I'm so cold it hurts.
You take away all my fun money on heating bills. My heat is on so much my hair is dry, my skin is dry. You make my skin hurt.
I'm only warm in my bed, and you know what Winter? I can't stay there all day long. As much as I'd like to.
So, I think I speak for EVERYONE I KNOW when I say we are done, and you can go now.
Where are my freak 60 degree February days? We've been sucked into this despair of gloom and freezing and snow and crap for months now. Stop clinging to it, let it go.
The Tigers opening day is in just 33 days! How are they supposed to play baseball in the snow? They don't! So, you take your snow, your ice, your arctic blasts, pack up all your things and go. We want summer to come over and play, now. Summer is fun and hot and lively and exciting and everything you are not.
I'm sorry if you're jealous of Summer but you have to accept the fact that Summer is awesome, and nobody really likes you, so go away.
I'm miserable, I want to play outside, I want trees with leaves, I want to put my coat away, I want to burn my ice scraper and my boots, I'm cold, I'm so done.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Fuck you, Ralph Nader

Stop running for president. I used to be all for having lots of people run for president, but you know what? The hippies can vote for somebody else.

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Ralph Nader is entering the presidential race as an independent, he announced Sunday, saying it is time for a "Jeffersonian revolution."

Ralph Nader is running for president as an independent.

"In the last few years, big money and the closing down of Washington against citizen groups prevent us from trying to improve our country. And I want everybody to have the right and opportunity to improve their country," he told reporters after an appearance announcing his candidacy on NBC's "Meet the Press."

Asked why he should be president, the longtime consumer advocate said, "Because I got things done." He cited a 40-year record, which he said includes saving "millions of lives," bringing about stricter protection for food and water and fighting corporate control over Washington.

Nader's decision, which did not come as a surprise to political watchers, marks his fourth straight White House bid -- fifth if his 1992 write-in campaign is included.

The two contenders for the Democratic nomination were quick to pounce.

"He thought that there was no difference between Al Gore and George Bush and, eight years later, I think people realize that Ralph did not know what he was talking about," Sen. Barack Obama said a town hall meeting Sunday. Watch Nader describe whom the Democrats should be "going after" »

Calling Nader's move "very unfortunate," Sen. Hillary Clinton told reporters, "I remember when he ran before. It didn't turn out very well for anybody -- especially our country."

"This time I hope it doesn't hurt anyone. I can't think of anybody that would vote for Sen. McCain who would vote for Ralph Nader," she said.

Nader was criticized by some Democrats in 2000 for allegedly pulling away support from Democrat Al Gore and helping George Bush win the White House.

Noting that he ran on the Green Party ticket that year, Clinton said Nader "prevented Al Gore from being the 'greenest' president we could have had."

Nader has long rejected his portrayal as a spoiler in the presidential race. In his NBC interview Sunday, he cited the Republican Party's economic policies, the Iraq war, and other issues, saying, "If the Democrats can't landslide the Republicans this year, they ought to just wrap up, close down, emerge in a different form."

But Clinton said, "Obviously, it is not helpful to whoever our Democratic nominee is. But, you know, it is a free country."

Nader said political consultants "have really messed up Hillary Clinton's campaign."

Long-shot GOP contender Mike Huckabee said Nader's entry would probably help his party.

"I think it always would probably pull votes away from the Democrats and not the Republicans, so naturally, Republicans would welcome his entry into the race," Huckabee said Sunday on CNN.

Nader said Thomas Jefferson believed that "when you lose your government, you've got to go into the electoral arena."

"A Jeffersonian revolution is needed in this country," he said.

Nader told NBC that great changes in U.S. history have come "through little parties that never won any national election."

"Dissent is the mother of ascent," he said. "And in that context I've decided to run for president."

Nader, who turns 74 this week, complained about the "paralysis of the government," which he said is under the control of corporate executives and lobbyists.

Obama also criticized Nader earlier this weekend. "My sense is that Mr. Nader is somebody who, if you don't listen and adopt all of his policies, thinks you're not substantive," he told reporters when asked about Nader's possible candidacy.

"He seems to have a pretty high opinion of his own work."

Obama said Nader "is a singular figure in American politics and has done as much as just about anyone for consumers."

"I don't mean to diminish that," he said. "There's a sense now that if someone's not hewing to the Ralph Nader agenda, he says they're lacking in some way."

Responding to those remarks, Nader called Obama "a person of substance" and "the first liberal evangelist in a long time" who "has run a good tactical campaign." But he accused Obama of censoring "his better instincts" on divisive issues.

Nader encouraged people to look at his campaign Web site,, which he said discusses issues important to Americans that Obama and Sen. John McCain "are not addressing."