Ok, so me and this store go waaay back. I've got lots of Meijer stories, from days back in high school, through college, and now. Like, this one time I went there with my first roommate, who also happened to be named Melissa, and I made her get into a shopping cart and I pushed her across the parking lot. And it was the funniest thing. I may or may not have been under the influence of illegal substances. I don't recall how we would have gotten to or from Meijer in those conditions, but that was a long time ago and is neither here nor there... anyway.
I went to Meijer today (and you might say, damn Melissa, you just went to Kroger yesterday, what is your problem? And I'd say when I went to Kroger we only bought one thing... a birthday card, and this time I needed food.)
So, I'm in Meijer and I've added a couple things to the cart and I'm looking at stuff, as I'm likely to do. I love looking at stuff in Meijer.
I go back to my cart, and in the cart I find - right smack dab in the middle - a box of condoms. Not just any box of condoms, but a pleasure pack in multiple rainbow colors Trojan condoms.
I didn't put them there. Perhaps someone is trying to tell me something?
I don't see anyone nearby.
So, I remove the condoms and put them on the shelf with some shampoo or something.
But now, I wonder... did someone think that was their cart? Did I just ruin somebody's night of pleasure? Perhaps they will get home with all their groceries, their ground beef and Q-tips and say, "DAMN!" where did the condoms go??
Oh, Meijer stranger didn't mean to ruin your night of pleasure, if I did so, I sincerely apologize.
However, if you were trying to tell me something... what was it? I'm not sure what the Hallmark saying is for a mysterious box of condoms.
Also, I really love the foreign food aisle. I love looking at all the jars of goodies and wondering what they taste like. If I ever go batshit crazy you'll find me cross-legged on the floor at Meijer with seven open jars in front of me and my finger in my mouth. I love all the thai, mediterranean, chinese, japanese anything. Yum. And then I see this:
No way am I eating that.