Monday, October 22, 2007


Ok, so me and this store go waaay back. I've got lots of Meijer stories, from days back in high school, through college, and now. Like, this one time I went there with my first roommate, who also happened to be named Melissa, and I made her get into a shopping cart and I pushed her across the parking lot. And it was the funniest thing. I may or may not have been under the influence of illegal substances. I don't recall how we would have gotten to or from Meijer in those conditions, but that was a long time ago and is neither here nor there... anyway.
I went to Meijer today (and you might say, damn Melissa, you just went to Kroger yesterday, what is your problem? And I'd say when I went to Kroger we only bought one thing... a birthday card, and this time I needed food.)
So, I'm in Meijer and I've added a couple things to the cart and I'm looking at stuff, as I'm likely to do. I love looking at stuff in Meijer.
I go back to my cart, and in the cart I find - right smack dab in the middle - a box of condoms. Not just any box of condoms, but a pleasure pack in multiple rainbow colors Trojan condoms.
I didn't put them there. Perhaps someone is trying to tell me something?
I don't see anyone nearby.
So, I remove the condoms and put them on the shelf with some shampoo or something.
But now, I wonder... did someone think that was their cart? Did I just ruin somebody's night of pleasure? Perhaps they will get home with all their groceries, their ground beef and Q-tips and say, "DAMN!" where did the condoms go??
Oh, Meijer stranger didn't mean to ruin your night of pleasure, if I did so, I sincerely apologize.
However, if you were trying to tell me something... what was it? I'm not sure what the Hallmark saying is for a mysterious box of condoms.

Also, I really love the foreign food aisle. I love looking at all the jars of goodies and wondering what they taste like. If I ever go batshit crazy you'll find me cross-legged on the floor at Meijer with seven open jars in front of me and my finger in my mouth. I love all the thai, mediterranean, chinese, japanese anything. Yum. And then I see this:
No way am I eating that.

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