Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Michigan Ave Tranny Hooker

So, I was just driving down Michigan ave and I pass this thing on the side of the road, real tall, real skinny, real dark, wearing... hot pink spandex shorts, and a spandex tube top or tank top - hard to tell, but the outfit is completed with Nicole Richie sunglasses (big ass ugly) and a fanny pack. Yes. Fanny Pack. I'm thinking.. ugly hooker, right?
I get closer and this tall skinny thing has the face of Wesley Snipes.
Oh hell! That was scary. Who's gonna pick up a tranny hooker like that? Baby, the bar is that way... you better go home.

PS. Go to and watch Salad Fingers. I was thinking that on Saturday I was talking about Salad Fingers, and now I don't remember if I was actually talking about Salad Fingers, or if it was all a dream.

PPS. Salad Fingers episode 2 will make you pee your pants and want a shower and your mommy.

... that tastes like leprechauns and dirt...

Current mood: contemplative

So back in February I was at work and the chick I work with gave me
some of those sweetheart hearts candy - you know, the ones with
the blurry writing on them that are made of chalk? So, I eat a green
one and go "aaugh, that tastes like leprechauns and dirt." So she says,
"it tastes like dirty leprechauns?" and I say.. NO. Not dirty leprechauns
(which gives me visions of leprechauns that haven't showered and they have greasy hair and disheveled clothes and look as though they are stinky) "No," I say as if her statement is pure craziness.
Leprechauns AND dirt (insert mental picture of Leprechaun and separately a pile of dirt) Perhaps it "leprechauns and dirt" could be a "Harry Potter" inspired flavored sweethart candy name, like the jelly bean "Harry Potter" candy that has flavors like "booger" and "rotten egg."

That's what it tasted like, that's all I'm saying.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Home for a while

Current mood: awake

Aaah, home sweet home. Yard work and my super kitty. Took the day off work today to get my driver's license renewed (because that might take all day!) but as of yet, have not gotten out of the pyjamas. Need some veg time.

I counted and of the last 90 days, 40 of them were spent somewhere in Europe. I need a break. So, home for a while now. No more work trips for quite a few months. I got vacation soon - going back to Alaska, but that vacation. It's different!

Looking forward to being outside in the sweet sunshine for a while and playing around with my friends. I'm pretty tired of my life revolving around my last or next trip. Let it revolve around bike rides, the beach, sunshine, driving with the top down in the husbands wrangler, and when the next Corona is coming my way.

HELLO SUMMER! I'm very happy to see you.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Used Duct Tape Sale

Current mood: quixotic

So, on the way home from work every day I drive past a local "establishment."
They, well, have unpleasant looking naked ladies dance for even more unpleasant looking customers - or so I'm told.
Not too recently, the sign out front posted a new ad, "Used Duct Tape Sale" and I really don't know what it means. I'm almost curious enough to go in, but that would be gross. Not gross to go in a nudie bar, just this particular nudie bar.
Seriously, what is that? It conjures images of people using duct tape as hair remover, and they have the hairy, twisted tape all laying out with yard sale stickers on them, 50 cents for the small pieces and $1 for the big ones. I even googled "used duct tape sale" and nothing came about.
Is the owner not making enough money on the two fat naked girls and the $8 beers? He's got to go into other businesses? What else did he try before used duct tape?
Half-eaten taco sale? Three day old milk sale? Dead raccoon sale?
How about a used toilet paper sale?
Or a single shoe sale. No pairs for sale, only single shoes.
I'd get in on that, wear me some non-matching shoes. Maybe I can get me a job at this "establishment," make some money so I can buy some used duct tape.