Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Road to Hell is Paved with Adverbs

Fuck you, Stephen King.
Go ahead, pretend you don't write piles and piles of shit. You do. You know it. And when you're afraid you're going to write a pile of shit, you don't even use your REAL NAME! You use a pseudonym.

An adverb is simply something that describes a verb. I yelled angrily, then crept stealthily before I ran quickly to the store! It was a grimly scene.

"(It's like explaining a joke — if you need to tell us something happened in a grimly or someone spoke grimly, then it's not really that grim.)" - Charlie Jane Anders,

But you know what, adverbs, like everything in life, are perfectly fine in moderation. Thank you.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011


So, it's a start. We are moving forward. I'm writing content for a website in San Diego. If all goes well, I will get more hours. I will get paid for it even!
The key to being a good writer, writers say, is to write. That's it. You just have to do it a lot. If you want to be good at something it takes practice.
My job will be to write, and I can feel the words swirling around in my head but I can't always seem to fetch the right ones.
I'm tired.
So, I will practice.
I must practice.
I've had one big asshole of a month. We finished July with little Claire's first birthday party, and mere days later jetted off to Los Angeles for a wedding. I don't recommend taking a baby to a wedding. It was great visiting husband's family in the L.A. area - it was worth it to bring her for this.
However, we went to the San Bernadino mountains for the wedding, up, up the windy roads to a cabin in the woods. There weren't really accommodations for the kids, so you had to hold them or put them in a stroller, which to a squirming bored kid, this isn't great. We drove an hour down the windy mountain road for the ceremony... sat in a back room with Claire because there wasn't friendly people offering room in the rear pews of the church... then drove up the mountain an hour for the reception. No where to sit Claire, so she's strapped in a stroller between tables. And she's bored. And angry. But we can't let her wander around - the whole outdoor rustic place is filled with 3-foot drop-offs. I end up going to my room before 8pm to put Claire to bed and sat in my room all night with my Kindle. Had our cabin been near the reception (as other rooms were) I could have stayed, but nay, we were on the opposite side of the grounds.
To recap; we traveled across the country and halfway across southern California to go to a wedding I did not see, and attend a reception that I really wasn't at.
Again. Don't recommend bringing babies.
However, the days afterward where we went to the beach, the aquarium, the wading pool and spent time with family was THE BEST. I'm thankful for that.
We return home to a wet carpet and sticky kitchen. The water line to our fridge had been kinked by the people who put in our floors (and moved the fridge) and it broke, and water sprayed onto the wall, the cabinet next to it, and seeped under my brand-new floors all the way across the entire kitchen, and into the living room - under the couch, under the table.
You really never saw any water - but it was under everything.
We stayed at the in-laws for two days and then moved on to a hotel.
Then there were phone calls and destruction and fans and 112 degree temperatures baking my house and murdering my plants.
Then more phone calls and more phone calls...
Yesterday the rebuild began.
Is this fucking month over yet?

Friday, June 3, 2011

Apple is fucking with me

Dear Melissa,

Welcome to Apple iTunes Store Customer Support!

Hello, Its Manish again, Thank you for your kind words. I'm glad to hear that your issue has been resolved. It is because of the customers like you we are able to make our services best in the world.

"Your satisfaction is a great compliment for us."

Melissa, Apple and I are currently striving for the best experience possible in making sure our customers have been taken care of their satisfaction. You can submit your feedback for the services provided by me in the link (survey sheet) you may receive from Apple, with in six days from today.

Melissa, if you need anything else please feel free to reply back. We are always just an email away. Here in Apple we care.

Apple wants your iTunes Store experience as smooth as possible.

at Apple, We care! Have a great day!


 Manish
iTunes Store Customer Support


Apple is fucking with me.

Did you see it?
"Your satisfaction is a great compliment for us."
That sounds sarcastic to me. You put something in quotes and all I hear is sarcasm.
"We sit around all day just waiting to help people like you!"

Either that or he's got a random compliment generator, and just clicks a button, copies and pastes.
"We are happy to serve you."
"Here at apple our mission is your happiness."

Still sounds sarcastic to me.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011


I don't like chicken. I haven't in a long time. It got worse when I was pregnant. I could not stand to touch it or smell it, let alone eat it. So, yesterday or so I'm eating chicken and... epiphany! I am not going to make myself eat it anymore. I never order it when I go out to eat, but I buy it, prepare it and cook it and make myself eat it because it is "good for me." It's protein. It's low fat. It's healthy calories. But it is gross. The texture is all wrong, every time I bite it I can only imagine chewing on a live chicken. It was making me nauseous. So, I'm not going to do it anymore.
I'm starting to see a problem trend with food here though. We've been eating the same healthy foods for years and are now bored, but I don't know what to replace them with because I'm kind of picky. I don't like cauliflower. I hate celery. I'm bored of broccoli. I like green beans, but husband does not. I like fresh spinach, he prefers canned. We both hate brussel sprouts. Zucchini and squash are fine but anytime you go to a cheap banquet, what do you get? Chicken and zucchini and squash. Cheap punishment food.
Potatoes are loaded with carbs. I hate red peppers, and green and yellow too. I hate onions. (Unless well cooked and tiny).
What else? I don't like cucumber. I'm bored of asparagus. I like salad, but can't eat it when it's cold. I want warm things. I love mushrooms. Pasta has too many carbs for the husband.
I'm going to have to start cooking two separate dinners each night. Our bodies and tastes are so different. I need carbs. He needs protein. Oh, and I also hate all fish of every type, sort and variety. If it swims, I won't eat it. I'm a cheeseburger-eating vegetarian. And filet mignon. And bacon. And turkey, I like turkey.

Where is my magic pill that I can just take and get all the necessary nutrients and not be hungry? How about photosynthesis?