Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I yelled at somebody in the movie theater... AGAIN.

So, yes, yet another post about how mean I am. I'm gonna have to start putting things on here about the nice things I do. I like puppies and babies, I co-coach volleyball for 11 & 12-year olds. I gave money to a homeless guy this month. But right now, I'm talking about stupid rude people at movie theaters.
Come on! Does it take a UM degree to realize it's rude to have your cell phone open in a movie?
I'm watching this movie, and it's pretty great and pretty crazy and in the corner of my eye I see the constant flashing of... A CELL PHONE!
Look, I own one, I like it. I leave it off in the movies. It's rude.
This silly little asian girl is waving it around and trying to be subtle, but she's using the light of it to take notes or something, I have no idea. This goes on for about 35 minutes and I decide I'd had enough.
I actually got up and walked over there and said something along the lines of, "Either put that away or I'll find someone to make you put it away. You're bothering everyone. Sit in the back if you're gonna have it open." I just see her completely wide-eyed looking up at me in the blue glow of her phone. Her stupid little friends surrounding her, all staring at the phone.
I go sit down and I'm all panicky because I don't like to confront people, but come on. What the hell? Put it away!
She got all ballsy at intermission and came to tell me I didn't have to be so rude.
Well, too bad girlie. If you need to take notes, watch the damn movie at home.

Oh, and today I saw this survey which included this question:
19. Would you rather date someone 2 years older then you or 20 years younger?

What??? Ok, consider the age of most myspace users. Do you think they're even old enough to date someone 20 years younger? They aren't even 20! Isn't this kind of a disgusting question? If I preferred someone 20 years younger, I'd be dating a 9-year old. Gross.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Email issues

Current mood: irritated

I'm beginning to suspect I'm missing emails. I think my Comcast email has turned into the HAL9000. I think it's only letting approved messages through.
I'm getting spam. I never got spam before.
I'm also not getting any flickr emails anymore.
And I'm not getting any facebook emails anymore. (though I don't really like facebook)
and I suspect there's lots of other things I'm missing.
So. If you've sent me an email recently, and I didn't reply, I probably didn't get it.
I hate Comcast.
I think I'm gonna switch to Gmail.
I hate switching email accounts.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Does anybody know it's Halloween?

Current mood: sad

You must know. Though you wouldn't know it walking into Meijer, they've already got the Christmas decorations out. We had our annual all-out blo-out Halloween bash last night. Overall, it was nice. I think people had a good time.
I have to say I'm a little disappointed with the turnout. I really look forward to this party, and spend a lot of time and effort and work to make it go the way it should. This is important to me. I would hope that my friends would realize that it is important to me. I feel I'm getting this, "Oh, that party again," vibe. It was really cool this year. We really went all out. And several of my friends, though they had indicated they were coming, were no-call no-show. I should know better, I love my friends but they are who they are. I shouldn't be surprised. But still, it was my Halloween party, and I worked so hard. For them to not realize, to not pay attention to the fact that it is important to me and not show up makes me think they don't like me. I'm sure they don't think it's a big deal, and have valid excuses and don't view it the way I do. I probably shouldn't take it personally but it still really hurt my feelings. (One of you got drunk dialed. You should have been there.)
I've been a little down on myself lately and this doesn't help my self-esteem. I think it's still because I'm just so tired and worn out and my house is trashed. There are leaves in my kitchen. My coffee table is in my bedroom. My plants are in my laundry room. Everything is wrong. Lots of work still to do to get it all back in order.
People really are like the game the Sims and it makes me shake my head. Someone spilled a drink in my kitchen and just left it. If you don't give them a trash can, they'll throw their garbage on the floor. One time people put beer bottles in my gutters. All this work, and all this clean up and just sometimes I don't think it's worth it.
For those of you that were there, and that were excited and impressed with everything, a big THANK YOU!
The best quote of the night goes to Alaska Katie for saying, "Bar none, this is the best Halloween party I have ever been to in my entire life," and for Matt Foley (Rob) for making me laugh my ass off. You are the best Matt Foley, ever.
I stayed up too late and my costume proved messy. I had pink hair, and was too tired to wash before bed, so I had pink pajamas, a pink pillow, pink neck and ears, pink hands, pink everywhere I went. What a freakin mess.
Anyway, just thought I'd vent. Good night.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Last Chance! All you ghouls, hippies, whores and freaks of the night...

Current mood: geeky

Hey all,
Saturday night.
October 27.
8pm. (or later)
My house.
If you're in for a pretty cool Halloween party, send me a message and I'll get you directions.
Costumes mandatory.
Some beverages and munchies provided.
There will be fire.
We've destroyed our home in the name of a pagan holiday.
You will be impressed.
I'm not kidding.
The Ann Arbor News interviewed us.
We are that cool.
You should be there.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

To the lady who’s kid I called a brat...

Current mood: hungry

I didn't mean it. Well, that's not true. I did. I don't have kids. I shouldn't have to be nice to yours.
I was walking through Meijer looking for something and I was in a hurry, tired, hungry, distracted, and deep in thought. Your precious one pulled me out of my funk. You were coming down the lane and she was clinging to the front of your cart, and as she got near, she turned toward me and stuck her tongue out at me with full-force attitude only a 4- or 5-year old could muster.
I was surprised, and could only mutter, "You brat," before you passed.
I tensed inside, fully expecting a mommy rant coming for me about calling her child names.
Instead I faintly hear mommy's voice from behind me, "Well you were being a brat. Stop being a brat."
Ha ha ha ha ha! Awesome!

Monday, October 22, 2007


Ok, so me and this store go waaay back. I've got lots of Meijer stories, from days back in high school, through college, and now. Like, this one time I went there with my first roommate, who also happened to be named Melissa, and I made her get into a shopping cart and I pushed her across the parking lot. And it was the funniest thing. I may or may not have been under the influence of illegal substances. I don't recall how we would have gotten to or from Meijer in those conditions, but that was a long time ago and is neither here nor there... anyway.
I went to Meijer today (and you might say, damn Melissa, you just went to Kroger yesterday, what is your problem? And I'd say when I went to Kroger we only bought one thing... a birthday card, and this time I needed food.)
So, I'm in Meijer and I've added a couple things to the cart and I'm looking at stuff, as I'm likely to do. I love looking at stuff in Meijer.
I go back to my cart, and in the cart I find - right smack dab in the middle - a box of condoms. Not just any box of condoms, but a pleasure pack in multiple rainbow colors Trojan condoms.
I didn't put them there. Perhaps someone is trying to tell me something?
I don't see anyone nearby.
So, I remove the condoms and put them on the shelf with some shampoo or something.
But now, I wonder... did someone think that was their cart? Did I just ruin somebody's night of pleasure? Perhaps they will get home with all their groceries, their ground beef and Q-tips and say, "DAMN!" where did the condoms go??
Oh, Meijer stranger didn't mean to ruin your night of pleasure, if I did so, I sincerely apologize.
However, if you were trying to tell me something... what was it? I'm not sure what the Hallmark saying is for a mysterious box of condoms.

Also, I really love the foreign food aisle. I love looking at all the jars of goodies and wondering what they taste like. If I ever go batshit crazy you'll find me cross-legged on the floor at Meijer with seven open jars in front of me and my finger in my mouth. I love all the thai, mediterranean, chinese, japanese anything. Yum. And then I see this:
No way am I eating that.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Only in Ypsi

So me & the husband were at Kroger today, and the chick in line behind us is buying one item. A 6 pack of beer. But not just a 6-pack of beer, it's a 6-pack of Odoul's.
What reason would you have to need to go to Kroger at 2pm on a Sunday, only to buy a 6-pack of near beer?

Bonus: the liquor store down the street was having a yard sale. What the hell kind of liquor store has a yard sale? An Ypsi liquor store, that's who.

I need a nap

Current mood: sleepy

1. When you want to have "you" time, what do you do?
I surf the internet, or play video games.

2. Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
Depends on who's asking the questions.

3. Have you ever cried and didn't know why?
Of course

4. When is the last time you were truly happy with your life?
There's always days I reminice about that were great.

5. Have you ever found someone of your same sex sexy?
Yup, of course.

6. Do you think long distance relationships are ever really worth it?

7. What did you do at your lowest point in life?
Cry, cry, cry.

8. What brought you back from that?

9. Have you ever envisioned your own wedding?
Um, yeah. But before I was planning one, no. I'm not that girl.

10. When is the last time you personally made someone else cry?
I don't remember. It was probably my sister.

11. The last time you were kissed, where were you?
Um, in my kitchen?

12. Do you eat a healthy diet?
I try.

14. Do you believe ex's can really ever be "just friends?"
I've seen it happen, not to me though.

15. Would you attend each of your ex's funerals?
It's been so long, it would be weird. No.

17. Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?

18. When is the last time you were on a vacation?

19. Do you make your bed every day?
Never. I don't believe in making the bed.

20. Are you too shy to tell people when you're developing feelings for them?

21. Do you use the Internet or television more?

22. Have you ever worn black nail polish?
Several times, i like it.

23. How much older than you is the oldest person you've kissed?
11 years. Oh how silly 18 year old girls can be when older boys are around...

24. How much younger is the youngest?
I don't think I've ever kissed anybody younger than me. Oh, wait... do girls count?

25. Which celebrity have you been compared to most?
Nobody really, sometimes I get compared to Meredith from Greys Anatomy, maybe it's the hair?

26. Do you have romantic feelings for anyone, and if so, do they know?

27. What are your plans for your future?
I never know!

28. Do you want to be in a relationship right now?
Today? Yes.

29. If you could pack up and leave your life now to move away, would you?
I don't think so, I like Michigan.

30. Have you ever done any acting on stage?
In my wildest nightmares. Oh wait, that was high school.

31. Do you like being in pictures?
Only when they turn out well.

32. Do you cry easily?
Not usually. Not unless someone is standing next to me, crying.

33. Have you ever been more attracted to a significant other's sibling than them?

34. What is the last fun, free activity you did?
I have no idea

35. Do you enjoy romance?
Doesn't everybody?

36. Do you tend to fall for people easily?
No. It's a long torturous road to get me to like you. I'm a pain in the ass.

37. Have you spent more time in your life single, or in a relationship?
More of my life has been single.

38. What person in your family are you the most like?
I am not from my family. I was dropped to them by some aliens.

39. Are you quick to start a fight?
Depends on who pissed me off.

Today is October 21

Current mood: worried

Do you know what the temperature is supposed to be today? Guess. Don't look.
Eighty one degrees.
Eighty one.
I can wear shorts.
It is FALL.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love it. You have no idea how much I love the weather we've been having.
It has been a beautiful summer, and has been a freakishly warm fall. It's been too warm for weeks. I love it.
But I do have to say it creeps me the fuck out.

And what's funny about this is that people have it in their brains that it should be cooling off. When they get dressed to go out they put on jackets, or sweatshirts. Everybody is dressing like it's fall outside. It's damn near 80 degrees and people are bundled up like it's 50. Just plain odd.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Mars is in Retrograde

Current mood: aggravated

This month is just stupid.
With the exception of a few shining bright moments, all the bizarre, horrible, ridiculous events of the month have left me irritated, upset, lost, dumfounded, pissed at myself, and stewing. This is just stupid. It shouldn't be this hard. I'd like to pass on October. I mean, really, what the hell?
November, please?
October isn't being kind to me. I'm done now. Next. Month. Please.
I've been whining to my co-worker Shelly for the last ten minutes about the stupidity of this month. She said, "You know, I've already explained to you why this month sucks. Mars is in retrograde."
Fuck you, Mars.

PS. Ben Stiller is in a new movie called Heartbreak Kid, and while the movie will suck, Ben Stiller has a new hairdo. Because Ben Stiller now knows what George Clooney (and Jon Stewart, etc etc) have known all along. Salt & Pepper hair is hot. And Ben wants ladies like George gets ladies. It's no new phenomenon.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Kids are just precious...

Current mood: amused

So, last night we go out to my friend Heather's sister's house.
Heather and her husband Tony moved to Tennessee and they were in town
but at her sister's house in Tecumseh. So we go out there to see them.
Her sister, Brooke, is pretty cool, her parents like us, our friends Kate & Justin
are there, so its an all around good time.

Brooke's kid Autumn is three and she wants to be the center of attention
tonight. Which is fine because she's in a great mood and only wants to play.
So we all do what adults do, drag her around the floor, hang her upside down,
tickle her, etc etc and she eats it up and is loving it and it's lots of fun for everybody. We're all having a good time.

So she's everybody's buddy and climbing into laps and being a monkey and
everytime you do anything, she's all "Do that again!!"

And here's the best part. At one point in the night, she climbed up into my lap full of wiggles and sweetness and turned to me and, in the most innocent voice that only a 3-year-old could possess, she said,

"I just farted on your leg."

Oh, I can't wait until I get one of my own!

Friday, October 12, 2007

New York State of Mind

Current mood: amused

So, I am to fly to NYC today for meeting stuff. Work stuff. I get to the airport and I wait. 10:06 am flight. Time passes. I wait.
30 minute delay, 1 hour delay, 1.5 hour delay. Move to another gate. 2 hour delay. Move to another gate. 2.5 hour delay.
Three. Hour. Delay.
I watch a vaguely handsome somewhat foreign guy brood out the window. He needs a haircut. I take his picture. I imagine vaguely handsome foreign guy sitting next to me on the plane while we have witty banter and talk about the world. We'd be fabulous in our little metal tube, talking about the little people, the what do you do's and the ways of the world.
I get on the plane and sit in front of the amish couple and their horrible baby. Yes, of course that's the kind of luck I have. Vaguely handsome foreign guy is in business class. Probably talking to some fabulous woman about the little people, the haves and the have nots.
I get to JFK and get into the taxi of the only cab driver in New York who is actually from New York. He's from Queens.

"Where you from?" says Queens cabbie.

Michigan, I say.

Oh yeah? How's it in Michigan?

Fine. Hot, rainy, cold, whatever. We go on with the small talk for a minute or two.

I see, says Queens cabbie. What you in New York for?

I explain how my boss lives here and I have work to do. He says, "What? you not gonna go out and have a little fun? Meet some guys?"

No, I say. I'm married.

So? He says.

Yeah, I say. I don't do that. While I'm married I play by the rules.

Oh yeah? He says. My friends don't do that, they go out, they have their "fun" they come home. Nobody knows. You do what chu gotta do.

I think to myself of Tony Soprano, how he would go out and have his fun and then return home to his wife. I express my better judgment and don't bring up Tony Soprano, after all, cabbie is from Queens and Tony Soprano was from Jersey.

You know what you need to do? He says to me. You need to get laid. You gotta go out and get you a guy or a girl or whatever works for you. Get spanked and tied up, some candle wax dripped on your ass or somethin.'

I laugh at Queens cabbie.

Yeah he says, you go out wit me, let Pete pick you up and take you out, show you a good time, you need to get laid.

The back of his neck resembles a package of hot dogs. I would certainly not go out with Pete. Single or not.

Noooo, I say. Not that kind of girl.

I spend the next hour of the longest cab ride of my laugh alternately laughing at Queens cabbie and denying his persistent requests to go out.

"How long you been with your guy?" he asks.

Nine years, I say.

Nine years!! Woah, I'm never gettin married. Gotta try em all. C'mon. You got the perfect job, you can have a guy here, a girl there. Go out wit me.

Ha ha, Queens cabbie. No. Not today, not ever, though it was flattering of you to persistenly ask. Good night!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Pop quiz hot shot

Current mood: cold

1) Some random guy comes up to you and says "Hey, what's your name?" You say?
"Uhhhh, why?"

2) What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Wouldn't you like to know? It was minty...

3) What does your last text message say?
Something from Joe about him seeing rent on broadway and meeting the cast.

4) The last song you listened to?
Soul Meets Body by Death Cab for Cutie. Popped up on the iPod on the way to work today.

5) If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would it be?
I would never be put in charge of a funeral of someone I hate. Though this is a hypothetical, so hypothetically I would do the right thing and play something nice. It's a funeral, not my chance to be an asshole.

6) Where is your best friend right now?
At work.

7) What did you do yesterday?
Worked, rode my bike, co-coached my A2 Red & Ed Volleyball team, watched House & Boston Legal and slept.

8) Pick a scar on your body - what did you do?
I have this scar on my chin from getting pushed off my picnic table by this kid when I was three. His brother pushed me off again around the same time and I broke my arm. Didn't learn my lesson about the picnic table, apparently.

9) What teacher have you hated most and why?
I never hated teachers.

12.) What do you really think happened to steve on blues clues?
I don't know who that is.

14.) Who is your most religious friend?
Agnostics don't tend to have lots of religious friends. I think my cousin Jennifer might be. She goes to church.

15) Who do you trust with your life?
Apparently lots of people. If I get in your car, I'm trusting you with my life.

16) If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
Princess Consuela Banana Hammock. No, really, I would not change my name.

17) What would you say if someone told you you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up next to you every morning?
It takes me a long time to trust people being nice to me. I'd say "Who are you and what do you want from me?" And I'd be very suspicious.

18) What do you hate about your job?
I'm lonely.

19) How often do you curse?
When I talk.

20) Do you trust all of your friends?
All of them except you. You know who you are.

21) Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?

22.) Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
Yes. Ha!

23) Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Cheating & getting beaten up I guess. How far do you really have to be pushed?

24) Which one of your friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
Well, I think my friend Mark would. He's a man whore.

25) Are you afraid of falling in love?

26) Is there someone that popped in your mind after that question?

27) Fill in the blank. I love_____
indian food and pineapple and sitting outside in the sweet sunshine!

28) What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
I want... I don't know what I want. Oh, I want to pay off my car!

29) If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?

30) How many kids do you want to have?
None right now. Thanks.

31) Would you make a good parent?
I don't know.

32) Where was your default picture taken?
in my bathroom

33) What is your middle name?

34) Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Mmm, that thai food was good.

36) Righty or Lefty?

37) Who knows you the best?
My very small circle, you know who you are.

38) Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
contacts unless it's late

39) When is the last time you liked someone?
Right now.

40) Last person to lay in your bed?
Me! I'm soooo lazy in the morning.

41) What are your plans for the weekend?
New York City, then party to see my friend Heather & Tony in town Sat nite from TN, then wedding reception/party on Sunday.

42) Who do you think will repost this?
Someone who is boreeeedddd

43) Are you happy right now?
I'm okay.

44) Are you a forgiving person?
Depends on what you've done to me.

45) Have you lost a friend recently?
No. I'm finding them instead.

46) What are you about to do right now?
more work. break is over.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

I can sew!

Current mood: ecstatic

Ok, I'm a dork. I signed up for a sewing class. I really want to be able to fix my own clothes.
And so I'm learning. Not to use needle and thread, but a full-on dangerous sewing machine with electricity and everything.
For my first project I made a drawstring bag that works. That was pretty exciting.
But just now, I just hemmed my pants. They were too long so I couldn't wear them.
And I hemmed them. And it's right, and great and perfect.
And I'm so excited.
You have no idea.
The simplest thing of hemming a pair of pants has me bouncing off the walls.
I am such a dork.
But my pants are spectacular!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Mysterious mail

I get back from lunch today and there's this package that's been sitting in our office awhile. I decide I've had enough of this and I open the mystery package. It's a large box. I guessed it was a box to pack things in since we recently moved. Not so!
This is one crazy box. Here's some of what was in it (just the sign, not the girl):


I unfolded it and opened the box and on one side it said this:


Peculiar, yes. But wait, it gets better. The other side said this:

(click for larger image)

Step one is all you need and I particularly like the illustration they include. Step two isn't nearly as funny. Oddly enough Step three is profit! (just kidding, there is no step three, I made that up.)

Well, anyway. With the way this week has been, you can't be too safe. I made Shelly get in the box.


If you need us, we'll be at work, in a cardboard box that looks like a filing cabinet. Bring snacks.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Scary Chinese Lady

Current mood: bored

So, it's been a generally crappy week but I don't want to talk about it.
Instead I'll talk about scary chinese lady.

My work moved and this entire week I was all by myself in the new office. This means a few things:
1. I was the youngest person in the office. (although I think I was before...)
2. I was the hottest person in the office. (yeah, me!)
3. I was the shortest person in the office. (tee hee)
4. I was the smartest person in the office. (that's right)

Now, you could also say I was the oldest, ugliest, tallest, dumbest person in the office this week, but that isn't nearly as much fun.

So, because we moved, yesterday I had to go get our mail. We can't get our mail forwarded, it's stupid and complicated so I have to go get it. While I go get it I'm stopping in at Panda Express to get some terrifically unhealthy lunch.

There's this scary lady who works there and she makes me nervous. From 20 feet away she spots me and screeches,


Uh, no, I stammer. I just want to order food.


Uh... rice... chicken.... orange chicken....


No, thanks.


No, it's to go.


Um.. no.


I give her my money and leave but everytime I leave this place after working with her - even though I've only completed a transaction - I feel as if somehow I just lost a fight with a crazy loud chinese woman.

Maybe she thinks she's really friendly but she's scary. Like maybe Godzilla thought he was friendly and everybody just took it the wrong way.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Saved by Jeff Daniels

Current mood: amused

So, my parents are going to see Joe tomorrow, and they haven't traveled in a while. Since 2001, actually. I've been on about a dozen flights. This year alone. So, they come into my work and it's nice to see somebody. I'm there all alone this week (visit me! drop in!).
Anyway, I check them in for their flights and pick their seats so that they'll likely see Manhattan from the plane... nice stuff like that.
And I have my iPod playing so I don't go crazy, and it's playing one of my current favorite songs. My mom gives me this slightly incredulous look and says, "What IS this music?"
The song is Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge, and the current lyrics in question are stating, "I wanna fucking tear you apart." It's dark, and lustful and dirty and erotic and probably not all that great of a song but I like it. I can feel the tension while the song continues to play.
I shrug and say "I dunno, I have a bunch of stuff on there. Probably about 1,000 songs."

Realistically I have 357 carefully chosen songs on there. Like I can tell my mom I love that song. She'd give me that look again. Her innocent daughter wouldn't listen to such things. Oh mom, you're so cute.

The next song is Jeff Daniels, State Trooper. Parents give me a relieved look. "This is Jeff Daniels, isn't it?" my dad says.
"Yep, sure is," I say. And they change the conversation to how great Jeff is.
So, I don't have to explain my last song choice.
Whew. Thanks Jeff.

Good thing that "P control" by Prince wasn't on. I don't know how to explain that one!

Monday, October 1, 2007

I am a rock star

Current mood: accomplished

Yep, you may know my computer was broke. And many hours and lots of swearing later (and a windows xp scan & repair) and more hours.. it works the way it is supposed to. Because I. am. a. rock. star.

I'm so brave, to attempt to fix this piece of crap on my own. Yay me. And, you'll be most pleased to know that my monitor is working as well. I couldn't do it myself. Helpful husband made that work, a little trip to best buy and more hours later, it works the way it's supposed to.

Maybe tomorrow I can get some real work done.