Wednesday, June 4, 2008


So, this past February I was in New York for work. I had been invited to go to dinner with some of our customers - three-time travelers to this one trip - and they had graciously invited my brother Joe along.
These guys are faboo - totally fun. He looks like Kenny Rogers, she's just a spark plug. When I don't do this job anymore I will really miss the people I got to know.
Anyway, Joe and I leave the restaurant ahead of them - it's this very Italian place and the guy by the door he says in a thick Italian accent, to my brother, "Hey there, you're tall, you know that? Do you play basketball?"
And without hesitating my brother says, "Oh yeah, all through school - Junior High, High School and college - my coach said I would have gone pro but I blew my knee out senior year."
We walk out the door away from the restaurant.
I stare at him with my mouth hanging open.
If you know my brother you know two things.
1. He has NEVER played basketball. He's not athletic/competitive and is about as threatening as a puppy.
2. Yes, he is nearly 6'6"

I ask him, "What the HELL was THAT?"

He said he was really tired of always telling the boring story - no I don't play basketball, no I don't like sports, blah blah blah, so instead - he has now turned to just making shit up when they ask him.

I don't know why this never occurred to me.
This is brilliant.

Word to the wise: I'm tall for a girl. I get it. I know it. And anybody else who's tall, or short, or whatever knows it too. And you know what, if I didn't know it - I get told AT LEAST THREE TIMES A WEEK that I'm tall.
Hey, you're tall! Hey, did you know you're tall?! Wow, you're tall.

Seriously. You don't look smart or clever or funny or flirty or cute or anything by pointing this out.
It's exactly like telling me the sky is blue.
NO, wait. It's not. I am not told three times a week that the sky is blue. But if I was told three times a week the sky is blue - then it would be exactly the same.

Most people follow up the tall statement with the next obvious question:"Do you play basketball?"
And no, I don't. I play volleyball and I do happen to love it. But that isn't the point. I'm not pissed or bitching or whining - It's just a "been there, done that" kind of thing. Ho hum.

The point is, all this time I answer honestly. I always answer questions honestly. It's almost like a weird curse. You can try it sometime. Whatever you ask, I just have a thing about being honest. I don't mind answering questions. I don't know. I like people being curious I guess. Anyway, I could just be making shit up. All this time I could have been having more fun!

I could tell people it's against my religion to play sports, or that my dad is Kareem Abdul Jabbar. If I'm lying - make it big! Right? Or, I could say it's because I drank milk as a kid - and lecture them about the dangers of hormones in cows.
Or, claim I was abducted by aliens and they did this to me!
Oh the twisted tales I could tell!

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