Saturday, April 5, 2008

I am the cooler

So, tonight I get invited by husband to go to the casino for B's birthday... and what else am I going to do? I go out to play. He offers up $100 for anybody who wants to drive so I volunteer the ol' Jetta. I could really use the $100.
We venture on to downtown Detroit. I hate driving in Detroit. Everyone drives like an idiot asshole and the roads make no fucking sense. Crazy lanes, stupid turns, horrible signage, misaligned lights. I hate it.
First place we see? Mega glowing twinkling shiny bright, Motor City Casino. We cruise around, find parking in their ridiculously confusing structure and wander in.
It's crowded. And stinky. And for a new building it's awful dark, dirty and cramped. I was immediately disappointed. The lights on the ceiling in some areas are cool, but overall what a blah place.
The place is packed with people who likely shouldn't be wasting their money. How do you tell if an area is not doing well financially? Check and see if the casinos are packed. Most of them elderly, tethered to the machines by that silly cord and the card that I still don't understand what the function is. Their fat wheezing bodies watching the whir of the wheels, the downward blinking of the LED as the minutes tick away more slowly than their money disappears. Most of them smoking or drinking and frowning their wrinkled brows as they plink and clink away their electronic bucks.
I decide to test my "coolerness" and stand and stare at this asian woman's machine. I watch her lose $75 in less than 3 minutes. She realizes I'm watching and stands up to block my view. That won't work lady - my luck suck can work through you. She quickly loses the rest of her money and leaves.
I watch another man fretting over his machine. After a few minutes and a few hundred dollars he too, realizes I'm watching and literally covers the front of the machine with his hands.
These people are crazy.
I play a bit here and there, and chase the spin a bit. I've got a slight thing for the "Wheel of Fortune" game. I lose a few, and walk away. Seconds later, as I'm not really paying attention, the man who has taken my machine wins $500. My heart sinks a little.
Oh well.
I lose a few more, win $50, lose some more, win $50. Then I quit. I got paid $100 to drive and am going home with $70.
I stay and watch the Wheel of Fortune and stay away from husband so he can win some money.
Over the course of 30 minutes I watch 6 people pour well over $2,000 into these machines. They could have given me the money and I'd yell "Wheel of Fortune" at them and wave something shiny. It'd be more of a show and I'd benefit from the money.
There really isn't anybody young in this entire casino at all. I suppose young people are the ones that really don't have money to waste. I guess I don't really understand the connection between the elderly and casinos. This one old lady didn't even seem to know what she was doing. She won $150 at Wheel of Fortune and asked me what she won. I should have told her she'd won a free pack of cigarettes but she'd have to give me all her money. And she'd say, "And how!" that's a good deal and hand over her cash.

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