Saturday, September 22, 2007

Samuel L. what were you thinking?

Current mood: hungry

I wasted two hours of my life to hear the line, "I have had enough of the motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking airplane!"
I'm not being mean, spiteful, or hateful in any way. What I'm saying is my complete honest opinion.
Snakes on a Plane is one of the top two or three worst movies I have ever seen in my life. Here's some words to describe it:
Bad. And not campy funny bad. Just BAD.
I could go on, but you get the point. The snakes attack people, which is silly. Most of them are CGI and are so fake it's insulting and laughable. The plot is just plain stupid.
There are major factual problems, and they begin the movie with this plot line and in the end they completely abandon it and the movie just goes off.
These are the things that I know know to be fact from this movie:

Pheremones make snakes mate with flower leis.
Pheremones make snakes attack people with rabid fervor.
Boa constrictors are poisonous.
All poisonous snakes will kill you instantly when they bite you.
All poisinous snakes will lunge for your throat when attacking.
Airplane cargo holds are above the plane, not below it.
You get donned with a lei upon departing Hawaii for Los Angeles.
Los Angeles airport is in the middle of a wide large desert, on the shore, and not, in fact, in the center of downtown Los Angeles.
A Boa Constrictor can eat a human in less than a minute.
When confronted with a snake in the cockpit, the only logical answer is to shoot out a window so that the snake is sucked out the window.
People who fly airplanes on Playstation 2 video games can fly a jumbo jet with no trouble.
Snakes explode instantly when you microwave them.
Airplanes have microwaves.

There may have been some spoilers here, but trust me, I've saved you some time. Don't watch this movie.
And if you want to know the other two worst movies I've ever seen in my life, they are:
"In the Bedroom" with Sissy Spacek and Marissa Tomei
"Redeye" with Cillian Murphy and Rachel McAdams

Thanks and goodnight.

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