I know who you are

Current mood: silly

You peed on my floor!
I am on to you.
It began some time ago. I'd pick the rugs up in my bathroom to sweep and it would be wet underneath the rug. I'd be confused as to why it was wet, and resume cleaning the bathroom. I'd wash the rug.
I'd clean again later, no issues. I'd clean a few times over the course time, but only randomly would the wetness reappear.
Slowly, after months go by, I realize what the dampness is.

Someone

peed

on

my

floor!

It's going down the side of the commode to seep under the rug. The top of the rug is never wet.
Who is it, I wonder...
Who is peeing on my floor?
Was it the cat? No, certainly not - it's wet under the rug, not on it.
Was it me? Did a rogue stream go astray? No, no... that couldn't be it.
It was you.
It took me some months to deduce this. I put a test strip of tp around the base of the commode to see who visited and who would foil the test strip. Many people came and went, and the test strip was carefully observed. I've played detective, studied the clues and know who the culprit is.
Now, I don't know if you're fucking with me, or if you're just messy, but stop it.
My rug is falling apart. I can't keep washing it over and over. Do you do this at home?
Please don't pee on my floor anymore.
Thanks, I'll love you forever...