Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Holiday Cheer

Yeah, I'll see if I can muster up some. Meh. So it was a good day. Started early (because it's Christmas and you have to get up early to open gifts!) and I got warm stuff (yay sweaters!) and...
GUITAR HEROES! Stand back boys and girls, I'm gonna rock out. But first I'm going to whonk and plink and get booed. It takes practice, you see... I'm very excited about it. Oh yes. Very excited.
So, then family time and it was off to his parents first. Nice time, nice food.
So, then off to my family... and it's the usual. As we walk in the door, my sister is piling things on her bed, and then covers it with a blanket... to make it look clean. Her kids are running around not really being watched and the place is kind of a mess. We give the girls their gifts and before the younger one (who's just turned three) even can open hers, my sister grabs her and says, "Come with me." I guessed there was a diaper change needed? I wasn't listening. I don't know. I don't want to know.
I think to myself that that was odd, she seems awful urgent to change a diaper - not the usual mode here.
My mom whispers to me, "as soon as she goes she takes off all her clothes, and the diaper" which made me laugh my ass off. Every time the kid goes to the bathroom, she just strips down buck naked - diaper included. That is awesome. It's like saying, hey, change me, or you'll find it on the floor. Brilliant.
So, the night goes on... and over dinner I was talking to my Aunt Cathy, who I adore and never see, and we were talking about work, being busy and I said that I hadn't even had a chance to start Christmas shopping until Saturday. My sister chimes in with "Yeah, I didn't start shopping until two weeks ago."
One, I don't care.
Two, that is plenty of time.
Three, I replied with, "Yeah, it must be hard to find time to shop when you... don't.... have..... a ..... job." But as I said it my voice got quieter and quieter as the conscience in my head told me to be nice, you only see her twice a year, play nice.
Fine, I'll play nice.
So, now the grand finale, we're over with dinner and watching tv and little Houdini (the younger one) has been a three-year-old all night, she's into EVERYTHING. I yell at her to stop grabbing full glasses of beverage off the kitchen table (while she's standing NEXT TO her mother) and husband yells at her for throwing things, and Joe yells at her for getting into things in the kitchen. The kid just has free reign.
So, husbands sitting on the couch and she walks up to him with her hands behind her back, and just stands there and stares at him. He says, you want to come sit up here? She just stares. It's a little creepy. Then her older sister sees her and yells, "HANNAH'S GOT A KNIFE!" and Hannah (the little one) turns and runs at her sister with the carving knife. This is no small knife. So, the adults finally jump and grab it from her little mischievous hands.
We all wow about it for a minute, and then my dad says, "It would have been really funny if it hadn't been quite so dangerous!"
Indeed! Stay away from my husband you creepy knife-wielding diaper shedding toddler.
Kids. Eek!


E Flo said...

Damn....was she really going to take your hubby out??? Kids are souless.

Joseph said...

She's a little Michael Myers in training. She'll carve him up like a pumpkin with a crooked grin...