Friday, September 12, 2014

I'm still here

My free time is few and far between. That's not entirely correct.. my free time comes in minutes at a time. A few minutes to shower. A few minutes to wipe the cat hair off the kitchen floor again so that the babies don't have furry hands the next time they crawl across it. A few minutes to make sure the four year old has eaten, again. A few minutes to throw in the next load of laundry, eat something, put something away, go for a walk, pay a bill, and the other 97,000 things I'm responsible for in a day.

I have twins. For some freak of nature reason, my body threw an egg that hilariously and entirely split into two people. One of them who is quiet, and has a lopsided crawl and is happy all the time and is sweet. One of them is a firecracker, who is always in a hurry and can climb like a motherfucker, and is also happy all the time. They tag team. One pulls it down, the other gets into it. They are hilarious and adorable. Next comes the PSA for those of you without twins.

1. For the love of all that is holy, stop fucking telling me "YOU'VE GOT YOUR HANDS FULL!" Ha ha, yes. Yes I do! I had no idea! I'm at the grocery store, or the pediatrician, and I'm struggling to carry an infant car seat in each hand toting a 16 pound baby in each. I have a four year old tagging along, most likely asking me for shit. I'm probably trying to open a door, while you stand there with your gaping maw, telling me how hard it looks without actually offering to help open the fucking door. Fuck you.

2. I have a thought to make a business card to hand out for the next several questions that follow. Are they both girls? Are they identical? How old are they? Do twins run in your family? My cousin friend aunt mom is a twin. A brave few even have asked about my breeding capabilities. I'm fabulously fertile, thanks for asking. Which brand of tampon is your favorite? Oh? That's a weird personal question? Hm...

Things have changed. We had a house built. It's wonderful. From the age of 16 to 36, I never went more than 365 days without getting on an airplane. I haven't flown since June 2013. A flight is coming though. Soon. Tropical drinks, warm breezes, soft sand, palm trees. Fuck yes.

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